would you hit it?

I mean not LITERALLY. Violence is NEVER the answer boys, and GIRLS…

Apparently athletes, specifically BASEBALL players are hittin a lot more than the BALL lately.

The New York Times claims that:

Last weekend may have been about the Saints and the Colts, but Jets heartthrob Mark Sanchez still managed to steal one show in Miami. Our snowbird spy says the quarterback had lots of ladies fawning over him at a Maxim bash at the Raleigh Hotel on Saturday, but Sanchez had eyes for only one gal: “The Hills” star Kristin Cavallari.

“He was definitely all about Kristin,” the source dishes. “They even left together at the end of the night.”

K Cav knows what’s up.

B*tch doesn’t wanna fade into obscurity once The Jersey Shore crew scam all her viewers, the BEST way to stay relevant for her of course, is to BONE an athlete.

Or get naked.

Whatever works.

LC is Soooooo gonna be pissed at Lo.

picture of the day.

Songstress Brandy’s PROMO pic for her NEW VH1 show with brother Ray J….

I’m guessing from the positioning of her EYEBROWS, she’s finally seen the infamous sex tape.

Meet your maker.

The KK’s brought in new BAYBAY Mason Dash Disick to visit Ryan Seacrest, the GUY we have to thank for putting his Momma on screen in the first place.

This kid’ll be starring in his own REALITY show soon enough.

During the interview, Seacrest dimmed the lights, looked Kourtney in the eyes, ran a hand through his Pantene Pro V Do and asked her if the baby was ready to feed.

Dunno if he was more INTERESTED in seeing boob or if he was just missing his own Mother.

Ch-ch-check out the KK’s @ KISS102.7

Awe.

Kris’ll call anyone Uncle for a couple hundred grand an episode.

Love them.

Paper Chase.

So TMZ is reporting that the government owes Britney Spears and ex Kevin Federline approx. $50,000 due to a UNCLAIMED interest fund from when they were still MARRIED making sweet VIDEOS together.

Who needs it more?

Britney to invest in a BRA or K Well Fed to get himself a trainer and maybe even a RESPECTABLE career?

Hey, at least he’ll LOSE a couple pounds racing Britney for the cheque.

She’s with Coco.

So Will Ferrell’s WIFE gave birth after he FINISHED taping the “Free Bird” Farewell on Conan’s last show Friday…

CoCo must be humbled.

She was probably so overcome with RAW emotion that she went into labor as a result.

Anyways, they didn’t name him Power Ranger or Twinkie as I would have thought Ferrell’s kin to be called (purely for the COMEDY)…

Instead he went the MUSICAL route and ended up naming the KID Axel, joining BIG bros Mattias and Magnus.

I’m sure the monniker had nothing to do with Will’s genius PARODIES.

 

Don’t Get Your Hopes Up…

That means you Jennifer Aniston.

The News of The World brought up a certain someone’s high hopes by REPORTING that Brangelina (or the Saviors of the Earth) had SPLIT up.

It was TOLD that the POWER couple were parting ways (after Angelina was caught making out with a 9mm) and that preparations had been underway since last month.

According to the snitch of the day,

“the document was signed in early January. Both Brad and Angelina had signed it. The contract was like a tailor-made version of a pre-nuptial agreement except for an unmarried couple’s split. It seemed clear they want the world to know they’ll both play a part in the upbringing of the children. But Angelina will actually be the one who lives with them full-time.”

Anyways, it’s not true.

The key to Angelina’s heart lives amongst the hairs in Brad’s billy goat gruff, and Jennifer Aniston just ended up wasting  a day at the salon.

There’s HOPE for US afterall…

This is like when your Mom oh so subtly informs you that that girl you used to go to elementary school with, who picked her nose and had a mouldy cubby hole just got hitched to some dude whose RICH as fu*ck in the Bahamas.

Seriously.

It’s EXACTLY like that.

Terror Tara Reid is REPORTEDLY engaged to an actual walking, talking human being. And he’s not that UGLAY or DESPERATE either…

He’s some kind of Internet entrepreneur (we all know what that MEANS) and his name is Michael Axtmann.

Actually NEVERMIND. Scratch what I said earlier about LOOKS.

This guy couldn’t be more HOMOSEXUAL if he full out asked Tara to trade boobies with him.

Anyways, her REP was more than please to spill the news, and mentioned that she got a massive round cut diamond ring and was proposed to at The Little Door Restaurant in LA.

What a waste of money.

She would have settled for a tummy tuck and a boob job no IF’S AND’S or BUT’S.

I thought I said NO FOOD ALLOWED?!

Some guys eat nachos during sex to be sent to the DOGHOUSE…David Beckham dares to learn the culinary arts.

Apparently the secksay soccer stud is learning how to COOK (shh, he’s not allowed to use that ghastly word at home).

As he looks over his shoulder to keep an EYE out for Victoria, he claims,

“I’ve joined a culinary school and I’m on a course that entails 120 hours of lessons and cooking. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve always loved cooking. Now I’m in Italy, I want to learn how to make amazing pasta.

“It’s gone from a small ambition of wanting to learn how to make pasta to the extreme of doing this course professional chefs do. It’s something I’m passionate about.”

He also tells the Daily Mirror that,

“I did the first three hours the other day. I learned how to make fresh pasta, ragu, carbonara, fresh tomato sauce and I’m doing a risotto in a few days. I’d love to cook for Gordon and I definitely will one day.”

Oh really?

Not if this bi*ch has ANYTHING to do with it.

 

Like A Prayer…

Oh sh*t.

Jesus Luz didn’t bother his pretty little head by reading the FINE print on his JOB requirements as the Material Girl’s Woman’s paid bi*ch boy…

Looks like in addition to allowing her to douse him in Baby oil on a bi hourly basis, the secksay male model is also required to SOMEHOW with all his might rejuvenate Madge‘s female parts in order to summon a Kaballah child from her womb.

She picked Jesus for a reason.

The 51 year old is allegedly trying to make a baybay with her more than equipped mancandy.

A snitch close to M says,

“Em says motherhood is her greatest achievement and the most fulfilling thing in her life. She knows that, at 51, it’s going to be harder to conceive naturally. But she is Olympic-athlete fit and is ready for the challenge.”

If this so proves to be a miracle procedure, I suggest it be broadcast to every single horny teenager in all countries of the World.

It would fend off every pimple faced boy from even attempting a sexual act and every tanorexic cougar waiting for prime prey at the local Frat bar.

The sheer act alone would turn 99% of the population of Earth to nunnery.

Thank Madonna and her little boy (no not that one) for singlehandedly curing every form of STI ever documented.

God Bless.

One FINE Babymaker…

So Mark Wahberg and his wife Rhea Durham have added another baybay to their brood of tots training to drop their pants for the camera.

They introduced baby, Margaret Grace into their family of 5 last night…

Poor thing would have been better off named something like Envelope or Manties.

At least they can sleep soundly knowing she won’t delve into porn with that name.

Anyways, cute.

Congrats.