now this is a walk of shame.

And I thought walking the Vegas strip in boxer briefs with my dress around my waist and heels in hand was shameful.

This is just plain SICK.

Snooki was snapped leaving the MTV Movie Awards afterparty at Las Palmas nightclub with a *gasp* male. Now call me crazy but this guy has to be a rapist. Or depressed. Or deprived. Or he already has an STD so what’s another one for the night right?

Yeahhhh. Whose with me on this one?! Am I right or am I right?!

*crickets*

If this is indeed, legit, I’m trying to come up with an alternate solution for this guy. Here he’s seen clearly embarassed by his fellow companion, and from the look on her face she’s clearly had a super sized margarita or 10.

The gentlemanly thing to do in this situaion is to pick your lady up in your arms and gallantly carry her to the backseat of your vehicle, or taxi if you’re being smart about it. Taking into consideration the size of his partner, I would expect this above plan to be out of the question. So unless he has a trailer attached to his car, once he gets out of sight from the paparazzi he’s gonna have to grab his buddies and roll the b*tch home.

Hey when you’re that desperate, you can make anything work.

in case you hadn’t had enough…

Heidi Montag filed for SEPARATION today from her gypsy of a husband, Spencer Pratt.

The next time I hear ANY bit of gossip regarding these two, I hope it involves Heidi finally getting those Size H implants or Spencer overdosing on whatever the f*ck kind of drugs he’s on.

I wishing for the former only because I get more hits when posting about Heidi’s boobs. And it’ll be funny to watch her walk.

Via TMZ,

Heidi did not file divorce papers. The legal significance of legal separation is that her earnings will become her separate property from the date of separation. Heidi lists the date of separation as today, June 8.
Interesting … under the section, “community assets and debts,” Heidi wrote, “No such assets or debts.” It’s unclear if Heidi and Spencer have a prenup which keeps their assets separate, or if they’re broke.”

B*tch just transformed herself into motherf*cking Barbie. I doubt The Hills producers covered that fee. Although, if I was the director I would have just to make a funny.

No one wants to watch Audrina look off into the distance after visiting Justin Bobby or Lo roll her eyes at anything that doesn’t come out of her own mouth.

So yes, I have no doubt she’s  penniless. Oh well, guess she’s going to have to start pimping herself out for cash star in another reality show, or hey, maybe she’ll replace the new chick in Transformers 3 after Michael Bay realized what a huge mistake me made for passing up such an acting great.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

snapped.

Kourtney Kardashian trying not to be outdone by her babydaddy’s greasiness at his Birthday party this past weekend…

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i’ll have a pill with that vodka thanks.

This can only be a case for Backwardstown. Where sh*t like this actually makes sense…

Via The New York Post,

Reality shows such as “Celebrity Rehab” and “Jersey Shore” are so worried about sexually transmitted diseases, they pass out medication “like M&Ms” to cast members, say the shows’ producers.

In a round-table discussion of reality show execs published yesterday in The Hollywood Reporter, SallyAnn Salsano, creator of “Jersey Shore,” says STDs are a constant concern.

“I do a full medical [for cast members] but I also do a lot of STD stuff,” she says.

“We hand [herpes medication] out like M&Ms!” Salsano said. ” ‘Hey kids, it’s time for Valtrex!’ It’s like a herpes nest. They’re all in there mixing it up.”

 For the staff? If they want to avoid disease wouldn’t they be giving it to each and every citizen in the 50 States?

God Bless the poor woman who has to do the medical. She’s been where no one has ever been before. Snooki’s va*ina. That’s like No Man’s land.

She should be honored along with the rest of the men and women who help protect the United States of America.

Anyways, the Jersey boys are like dogs. Giving them medication for the Herp is like giving a dog medication that denies him the ability to piss.

How will they be able to make their mark then…??

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but why…??

The only reason these fools were allowed anywhere other than at a tanning salon is because its MTV. And MTV would let a pack of starving wolves in if they made them money. Truth is though, they’d be less entertaining to watch. And wolves don’t have fake boobs.

Otherwise after being DENIED entry, J Woww would sadly have had to return her dress to LA Clubwear for the lowly $20 she spent on it.

Hey $20 = how many tanning minutes?

Anyways, I’m guessing they weren’t even there for the full awards show last night. Snooki was probably busy trying to seduce the guy at the concession for extra butter on her popcorn while The Situation was occupied by trying to bone his date in the arena without anyone seeing.

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as much as i hate him…

If I were a dude, I’d be pretty f*cking jealous.

After I high fived him a couple times and sent him a basket full of condoms that is.

Via TMZ,

Doug Reinhardt, aka Paris Hilton’s ex-boyfriend, aka heir to the frozen burrito fortune, has left Hiltie in the dust — cause he’s datin’ Miss World USA.

We’ve learned Doug has been spending “every night” for the past few weeks with Lane Lindell — a beauty queen who’s even getting a college education at the University of Georgia.

Paris will probably say, “She’s so 2008.”  And that’s true.  Miss World USA 2008.”

Man, Paris can brown herself to a crisp, dress herself in the skankiest designer threads, but the only way she’ll earn a crown is if it’s for the Most Demure Sl*t of the Century.

Not that this chick’s a saint or anything. She was a former Miss USA after all, so I guess her and Paris do have ONE thing in common.

All together now…

Herpes.

watch out now.

Oh man. And I thought the guy from Scream was scary. Ya’ll better watch out now. This guy is gonna make you shake in your shorts.

If I were Heidi, I’d hurry up and light that match already.

Via PopEater,

“A bearded Spencer Pratt took a woodsy run in Malibu yesterday, apparently dealing with his alleged split from Heidi Montag with some good old-fashioned exercise … complete with full camouflage, hiking gear and a walkie-talkie.

Montag’s new roommate Jen Bunney told PopEater yesterday, “Spencer is her husband and even though they are separating, he is a part of her life and she’s a part of his.”
The legitimacy of the Speidi split has been in question since … well, since the news broke. “It’s really just another one of Spencer’s publicity stunts,” a friend close to the situation, tells PopEater. Which would lend a whole lot of sense to these photos of a seemingly unhinged (or just seriously enthusiastic about beards/running?) Pratt. “It seems there’s no limits to what they will do for publicity,” our source said.

Montag’s sister, Holly, isn’t buying the breakup, either. “If anyone has come to expect anything from those two it’s that they are the liars,” she tweeted over the weekend.

“They really are still together,” our source says. “This will all be revealed in time. They aren’t going to separate. It’s all a part of Heidi’s new show.”

Man I’ve had it with these famewhores.

Any further comments regarding those two will only deem my post secondary education as OFFICIALLY useless.

The only reason I still watch The Hills is because Lo is besties with Lauren Conrad. And maybe, I mean, just maybe watching Lo on TV will allow for me to soak up some of the LC that might emenate from her. I’ll do anything to personify her, but as of late, it consists of making exorbitant purchases on items that only she can appreciate.

That’s it. Oh, and to drool over Brody Jenner. 

Hey, I have a thing for the douches. I’m even willing to put up with the unecessary banter of his minions for a good close up screen shot.

Here’s the rest of the PICS of Army Commander Pratt pretending to be on an important military assignment when really he’s running to refill his little canteen of Sunny D.

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God. I’d be ashamed to say I know this tool. But there’s no doubt that the people MOST embarassed here are each and every member of the United States Army Force.

we’re done here.

Jessica Alba hates having to turn her million dollar smile on for an audience who doesn’t pay $12 to see her movies.

It’s funny. Because she doesn’t have a million dollar smile. More like a $500 000 dollar ass with an MTV award for like, Best Kiss or something.

Via the National Enquirer,

“Jessica Alba let her inner diva show during the L.A. Lakers and Phoenix Suns playoff game on May 17. After graciously posing for photographs on her way to the private lounge, she groaned to a pal: “I HATE having to be nice to people in public.”

What a b*tch. But I mean, almost all hot people are b*tches.

Take me for example.

I wither at the thought of speaking to commoners. I can barely look them in the face in fear of bestowing them in beauty that they need not deserve.

Actually nevermind Jessica Alba. I take it back. I’m with you on this one.

Now someone help me down from my high horse.

 

snapped.

Doug Reinhardt (AKA Paris Hilton’s ex and all around Starf*cker) with his new piece in El Lay…

I got $200 saying they just left the clinic.

Whose in?

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mooriah has a little lamb…

So this is like, the longest pregnancy…ever. Mariah should go down in the Guiness World Book for being with child for the past 2 years….or whenever it was that she started looking like one of those Russian mini dolls with 100 more inside Russian mini dolls inside.

Via RadarOnline,

“When contacted, Mariah’s longtime rep Cindi Berger gave RadarOnline.com a rather cryptic comment.
“I’m not at liberty to discuss Mariah’s personal life at this time,” the publicist told RadarOnline.com, a statement that did not outwardly deny the pregnancy.
Said our insider: “Mariah and Nick want to keep the pregnancy quiet as long as they can.”
Which could explain why Mariah never got out of her Rolls Royce convertible during a road trip with Nick along the Malibu coastline on Saturday.
She was hiding a baby bump.”

Insider? Anyone with 2 semi working eyes and a brash attitude was screaming this from the rooftops like 3 months ago.

And all this time you thought she was just fat. Pshht.

All I wanna know is whose the Daddy?

I’m ruling out Nick Cannon because he’s like 6. That’s just disgusting.