my lonliness is kiiiiillllinngggg meeeee…

Britney Spears apparently thinks that she can feed and bathe herself these days. Which is why one of her bodyguards QUIT that b*tch.

Actually it’s because she forced him upon her privates but I like the former because it was funnier.

Via The Sun,

“She was always giving him the come on and he felt if he didn’t reciprocate he could lose his job. He finally handed in his notice last week and is considering legal action.
“She runs round the house naked and yelling at staff. All her guards knew they could be removed if they looked at her the wrong way. Unfortunately for Fernando, she took a liking to him, so he was under more pressure than most. He wanted to be a good security guard and look after her but the situation became unbearable.”
The last straw came when Britney’s dad JAMIE – who is in legal control of her and can hire and fire staff – kicked off after she left her Los Angeles home without underwear.
“Jamie went mental when he saw the pictures and Fernando was made the fall guy. He was not fired but told he was to blame. He had had enough.”

Being forced to look at Britney Spears’ naked body shouldn’t be cause for change of employment. Can you imagine what Lady Gaga’s bodyguards have to go through??

“C’mere Benson. They’re starting to show again. It’s all about the way you tuck. Detail, detail, detail. What do I pay you goons for?!”

damn. why didn’t i think of that…?!

Here’s an excerpt from Jesse James’ interview with Nightline…

or as Tiger Woods would call it, “fuuuuuuuuu*k, why couldn’t come up with that?!?!”

Via PEOPLE,

“I was a terrorized kid,” James, 41, said about beatings he received from his father. “I was petrified of my dad … It wasn’t so much getting the sh– beat out of me or getting my arm broken or getting kicked or whatever or punched, it was the in-between time. It was the fear of that happening again.”
As a result of his lack of self-worth, he said, “I grew up with a huge amount of shame and fear and abandonment on my shoulders from a very young age, and I think, you know, the way my mind rationalized [cheating], ‘Well, you know, I might as well do whatever I can to like run her off, ’cause she is going to find out what I am anyway and leave me anyway.’”

Ohhhh okay.

So all those times my Mom patted my ass with a wooden spoon cancels out that time I slept with that chick’s boyfriend…right? Riiiight…?!

Ok. Ok. BoyfriendS.

 

so it was how many hours on the treadmill…??

Check out this PIC of 50 Cent from Thisis50.com, for his upcoming role in Things Fall Apart.

“He dropped from 214 pounds to an astonishing 160 with a liquid diet and three-hour-a-day treadmill walks for nine weeks.
“I was starving.” Now he’s back on tour and says, “I’ve been eating. I’ll be back in shape in no time.”

F*ck.

I was trying to get more details when apparently the site crashed after Jessica Simpson kept going back to write down his diet regimine.

 

stinky and stinkier…

Now this is something you want to WITNESS.

Avril Lavigne and Lindsay LOLohan duelling at a club. Spit, tears and alcohol everywhere.

The only thing missing from this equation is Courtney Love claiming she’s boning Brody Jenner.

Via Page Six,

An eyewitness told Page Six: “Avril was at a table with friends just over a week ago including her boyfriend, Brody Jenner, when Lindsay came over to say hi. “But as soon as she approached, Avril launched at her and said: ‘Get the hell out of my face, you are fake, you are a loser. I don’t like false people. Stay away from me and my friends.’
“Lindsay was furious and screamed back: ‘Don’t threaten me!’ She then stormed off to security and tried to get them to kick Avril out. They refused to force Avril to leave. Lindsay eventually stormed off.”
Sources tell us that the feud kicked off when Lohan snubbed Lavigne at an event — but sidled up to her acting friendly once Lavigne was sitting with a group at the Chateau Marmont days later.

Sh*t, I didn’t think Lohan had the ability to snub anyone other than the sidewalk after it dared her to trip on it again.

And I can’t see Avril Lavigne picking a fight with someone her own age, like, ever.

Caca face, and meanie just doesn’t have that same result when saying it to someone whose not 13.

Actually nevermind, those are phrases Lindsay probably uses the most.

Lindsay: I hate you Samantha! You’re so mean. You no love me no mo!

Samantha: For Chrissake you dumb b*tch.  Stop following me home.

Lindsay: *sticks out tongue and runs away*

 

 

 

what a loser…

Apparently Halle Berry used to think that her now ex-Boyfriend, Gabriel Aubrey was a “loser.”

Uhh, he banged you for how long…? I think he’s kinda falls into the category of WINNER just for that alone…

Via US Weekly,

When Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry announced they’d split after four years of dating, they insisted the breakup was amicable. But sources close to the former couple tell the new issue of Us Weekly, on stands Wednesday, that their parting followed months of bitter bickering behind closed doors.

Even though True Religion model Aubry, 34, raked in an estimated $700,000 a year, Berry focused on his career disappointments, including his failed Cuban eatery, Cafe Fuego, in NYC, which opened in 2006 and closed less than two years later.

“Halle called him a loser,” a source tells Us. “She’d rub it in his face that she’s an Oscar-winning actress and he’s just a model. He couldn’t take it anymore.”

So sad.

The trials & tribulations of the rich and beautiful.

Kinda reminds me of most of my exes, except they were ugly losers. And I wasn’t an A List actress. But I was in a school play in like Grade 4, and I’m beautiful, so that counts.

I’ll challenge anyone who fails to think so.

 

feeding time.

Apparently Nadya “Octomom” Suleman feels “guilty” for hoarding all the Simlac from Safeway…

During a satellite interview with the Big O she whines,

“Looking back, I’ve always coveted that connection, that attachment to another being. And the connection felt safer with children than with a significant other, more predictable. The security — I was hungering for the security.”

“I live every single day every hour of the day with a tremendous amount of guilt. And I feel guilty when I hold the one or two and then that I can’t be there for the others. And they’re crying. And then I feel guilty. Look at the older ones. They all have different unique needs. And I’ll live with this forever. But all I can do now is keep on going, keep moving. Keep on trying to be the most devoted mother I can be.”

Yeah, that’s what most people think of before they decide on turning their vag into an udder.

Idiot.

 

haha. take that britney.

Ever wondered how Queen Madge is able to troll around in THIGH HIGH boots and booty shorts?

Probably because she has a specially designed Cellulite diminishing time machine to take her back….way back, and give her the thighs of Britney Spears, well,back when chicks actually wanted to kiss her.

Via the New York Daily News,

Is Madonna trying to keep up with her 23-year-old boy toy, Jesus Luz? The 51-year-old reportedly shelled out $75,000 for a machine that claims to be “a miracle cure” for cellulite; it supposedly exiles dimpling through the use of acoustic shock waves. Madge  is certainly the ideal candidate for the mechanism: manufacturers suggest users already possess “good muscle tone.”

Hey I look up to Madonna too, but she’s kidding herself by thinking that reducing cellulite is what makes 21 year old boys wanna bone her.

I’d do a 120lb lizard too if it had over $100 million in it’s bank account  too.

must.stop.presses.for.urgent.message.

Michelle Bombshelter McGee has a NEWS FLASH for ya’ll. She’s even stopped filming her 3rd installment of Nazi porn featuring a cardboard cutout of Adolf himself.

So please stop what you’re DOING and pay full attention to what she has to say:

“I want to say to the rest of the country, ‘Stop taking it out on the mistresses and start taking it out on the men who are cheating on their wives,’ ” McGee told Inside Edition. “Why are these men getting off scot free while the mistresses are considered whores, and we’re stepped on and we’re booed and we’re called nasty names?”
“It’s the man’s responsibility, they’re the ones in the marriage, they need to keep their vows. It’s very easy to say, ‘You know what I’m a married man.’ They can easily walk away,” McGee said.

Yeah.

Why don’t we blame the men? I mean they’re not being forced into sticking it in seductive looking ex strippers with White Trash tattooed onto their legs.

Not like mistresses say they’ll keep it a SECRET either.

Yes. Let’s just blame the men.

 

 

F*CK THIS. B*TCH.

Jesse James can add DIVORCE papers to his list of things he’s f*cked because REPORTS are saying that Sandra Bullock is sick of his sh*t.

Literally. She’s probably scheduled like 235907 doctor’s appointments for weeks to come…

RadarOnline is saying that Sandy will be serving his ass with papers sooner than he can bone the lady at the dry cleaners, and that she’s already met with lawyers.

Via RadarOnline,

“She’s had enough. She’s ending the marriage.” “There are no plans, nor have there ever been any plans, for Sandra Bullock to adopt any of Jesse James’s children.”

No sh*t.  The guy probably has more baby mamas tooling around than Lil f*cking Wayne.

 

BRING EM OUT. BRING EM OUT.

Somewhere Tiger Woods is foaming UNCONTROLLABLY at the mouth…

The Whore Brigade is coming out of the trailer for Jesse James…

Melissa Smith…

 

And Brigitte Daguerre

are the newest chicks who’ll be teetering off to MoneyMart to cash their cheques…

Via Star,

Like Michelle ["Bombsell" McGee], Melissa first made contact with Jesse online. But he reached out to her via MySpace in September 2006 (a year after he married Sandra) when he saw a photo of her on the Web site posing in front of a car at a West Coast Choppers party in Long Beach, Calif.

“I got a message from this guy saying, ‘Nice car…that’s my godfather’s.’ After a few exchanges, he introduced himself as Jesse James and gave me his e-mail address with the name Vanilla Gorilla” — the nickname Jesse goes by and Michelle referred to as well.

Soon after Melissa traveled to California, where Jesse promised he’d take her for a ride in one of his cars, but they never made it out of his office!

After making small talk about the artwork on his walls and taking photos together, “I said, ‘Well, I guess I should get going,’ and he said, ‘You don’t have to,’ and moved his chair closer to me and started rubbing my leg. We ended up having sex on his couch,” Melissa details.”

You know…as I was picking up “The Blind Side” a couple of days ago, I could have swear I came across a p*rno with the same dialogue as above.

No idea how it got in the New Release section.

On a side note, a big F*CK YOU to these b*tches for making me shameful of my tattoos.