I don’t need my extended texting package anymore thanks.

So Tiger Woods is SET up to apologize this coming Friday for boning every COCKTAIL waitress on this side of the Equator, leaving the drinks to serve themselves…

Here’s what Elin made him write on his personal site:

Tiger Woods will be speaking to a small group of friends, colleagues and close associates at 11:00 a.m. EST on Friday at the TPC Sawgrass Clubhouse in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla. Tiger plans to discuss his past and his future, and he plans to apologize for his behavior.  

While Tiger feels that what happened is fundamentally a matter between him and his wife, he also recognizes that he has hurt and let down a lot of other people who were close to him. He also let down his fans. He wants to begin the process of making amends, and that’s what he’s going to discuss.

His remarks will be open to a press pool for live coverage. It is NOT a news conference.

I couldn’t care LESS about this FOOL apologizing. The only people he should be apologizing to are the GUYS who now have a hard time trying to BONE Hostesses without banking in the millions. Bachelor parties now have NO point to head to Vegas, and hoes now have higher standards.

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