Archive for April 13th, 2010


i can’t believe i didn’t think of this first!

I doubt you can call it NAKED when you have Kim Photoshop magicians working their fingers to the bone to airbrush your va jay jays.

Either that or Mattel made this new AD for DASH

Khloe: “Kourt and I came to Miami to revamp Dash, and that’s exactly what we did! We worked our little tushies off and were so excited about the store’s fab new makeover that we thought what better way to celebrate than by getting one of our own. Dash has never looked so good! LOL.”

Kourtney: “We all spent the day getting airbrushed and posing for a Dash Miami photo shoot!”

Kim’s busy having a sh*t fit that her team couldn’t have come up with the idea to smooth out her ass crack before Khloe did it.

Those b*tches.


it’s all starting to make sense…

Amy Winecooler Winehouse was RUSHED to the hospital over the weekend, and this time it wasn’t because she almost died from her Tuesday morning drug binge…

Via The Sun,

Terrified Amy Winehouse has been rushed to hospital with agonising pains from her boob implants. The 26-year-old Rehab singer was kept in overnight while doctors carried out urgent tests. She is now waiting to discover whether she must undergo corrective surgery – or even have the 32D implants removed.

A family friend said: “Amy was in agony and became convinced it was something to do with her boobs.

“She thought she would leave it for a while but the pain got worse. She went into the clinic on Thursday and they kept her under observation. She is waiting for a decision on whether the implants have to come out or not.”

If the boobs come out what’s gonna pad her bra after that??

Oh right. Crack rocks are perfect that kind of thing. Lumpy, but really, who the f*ck is twisted enough to look at this chick’s breasts anyway?!

See. Even she thinks it’s funny.


gimme 20 dollars b*tch.

Michelle Bombshelter McGee apologized to Sandra Bullock PUBLICLY in a recent interview with Australia’s TodayTonight.

It’s easy to say SORRY when you can wipe your tears of guilt away with a fat stack of bills.

Just think of all the sh*t she can BUY from here:


“I do feel guilty. I feed bad for Sandra. Wait, she doesn’t have any Jewish blood in her, right?” I’m sorry for your embarrassment. I’m sorry all this is public. I’m sorry for everything. She must be hurt, devastated, upset, embarrassed. I want to give her a heartfelt apology. I’m sorry for her embarrassment and pain. I do feel really bad about it. I feel like I was duped just as much as Sandra was. I feel like I was lied to just as much as she was. If Jesse was upfront with me in the beginning, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”





leave britney alone!

Poor Brit Brit.

Some b*tch at The Daily Mail must have been on her period because there’s more red marks on these BEFORE and AFTER pictures than there is on Paris Hilton’s crotch area…

God this is brutal. At least she doesn’t have food on her face, which if you’ve even seen a picture of Britney Spears in the past 3 years, is a RECOGNIZABLE accomplishment.

I wasn’t there to smell her, but I’d have to say she looks pretty damn good in the BEFORE shots too.

But like I said, I wasn’t there to smell her.



Poster Numero Deux for Sex & The City 2

Cute EVERYTHING on SJP. Whose she wearing?? Balmain?? Westwood?? Photoshop? Whose Photoshop?? Must be new…


mario lopez is the perfect boyfriend…

only if you keep your BODY FAT under 3% that is, if not he’ll put you through TRAINING so rigorous that after seeing all the blood, sweat & tears you’ll start thinking you’re dating Chris fu*cking Brown

Via Fox,

“Mario Lopez is so body-obsessed, he persuaded his beautiful girlfriend, Courtney Mazza, to undergo rigorous personal training and encouraged surgery to get her into even better shape. Sources say friends of Mazza are concerned that the image-conscious n”Extra” host started nudging her to perfect her already amazing looks once they got together. They met in 2008 while appearing together in the Broadway revival of “A Chorus Line” and started dating the next year when Mazza moved to Burbank, Calif. nShe’s expecting their baby in September.

One source told us, “Mario is obsessed with his image. He spends a lot of time working out, and he expects his girlfriend to do the same. Even his new book is called ‘Extra Lean.’


“Courtney was engaged to a guy in Queens before she met Mario, but once they got together she dropped everything to go to California and be with him,” the source said. “He encouraged her to work out with a trainer every day. She underwent a boob job and liposuction last spring. Once her body was perfect, he arranged for them to be photographed on a beach.”

Wow. This idiot needs to be put in his place. By Kirstie Alley. Instead of her undergoing plastic surgery, he’d be undergoing a COLON cleanse after she stuffs his a**hole full of chocolate donuts.

I’d love to see him do a weighted SQUAT after that.





Pamela Anderson debuts her Vegan Vanilla Milkshake at Millions Of Milkshakes this weekend.

Gee I wonder what the ingredients are in the….oh f*ck it. That’s way too easy, I like to put in at least some EFFORT.


jim carrey is an alcoholic.

Well not really, he’s more of a NUTJOB in the middle of a NERVOUS breakdown, but it’s pretty much the same sh*t especially when you DENY it.

Just like I deny that I have a shopping problem when I end up buying Miu Mius 3 sizes too small for me and end up having to give them to my dog.

Or when I my friend has one drink TOO many and claims that my her underwear is meant to be worn over her pants.

Same sh*t.

Via Twitter,


RT Breaking News!Jim Carrey’s ambassador to the world,is dead!He is survived by me,the actual Jim Carrey,who has opinions about stuff.—>
…I am grateful for my avatar’s many yrs of dedicated service, but nowone has ever won the Tour De France while peddling. —->
…so I killed him,I do not plan 2 bow to expectations or to be confined by the fear of losing altitude in the ‘statusphere’! (my word)—->
…I have freed Truman,at long last!I am now free 2 be my whole self,which includes a somewhat contemplative nature,a yen 4 sociology—>
..and a joyfully disarming(with a hacksaw if necessary)sense of humor.I promise 2 reflect all that I’m seeing,hearing,feeling,sensing—>
…and being fed by the media.I was almost out of Tiger untill E.T Supersized me!But I will wear cool shades and get my lips injected! p^m
word missing earlier. ‘Nowone has ever won the Tour De France by ‘back’ peddling. GET IT?! IT IS BETTER WITH THAT! HA HA! Sleeeeep! |^•zzz
Some folks out there are worried that I stay up too late but their fundamental mistake is in assuming that I haven’t moved to Fiji! |^•snore.

In his defense, I’d be pretty f*cked up if instead of every morning waking up to a hot GILF, I was waking up to TBS running my sh*tty movies every few hours.




Here I thought Bar Rafeali was a classy lady, all refined and stuff, even half naked, she always has this wholesomeness about her.

But after seeing her chomp on The Situation’s hoagie, I somehow feel really dirty looking at her in her underwear. But it probably has more to do with the fact he actually unzipped his pants.

That Mike takes initiative.

Anyways, props to these idiots for getting a GIG with someone who isn’t a BLOWUP doll.


break me off a thigh…

Khloe, Khloe, Khloe, don’t you know that the BEST accessory for when people call you large, is fat b*tches?

Try hanging out with members of a women’s hockey team or, like, Serena Williams or someone.

I’m just tryin’  to help…




Who you callin a TWIT?

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April 2010