Archive for the 'Make A Toast' Category

11
Jun
10

i quit this b*tch.

Not permanently, but for the next 12 days you’re damn right I do.

I won’t disclose my travel destination, but you can bet your whole life that it’s a lot better than the hole in which I currently reside.

And I don’t actually live in a hole. It’s a metaphor. I can’t say the same for Lindsay Lohan, who probably crawls to bed at 7am at the bottom of a well. But that’s Lindsay Lohan.

Anyways, I’ll post today’s “A Day In The Life” because I know that’s all you b*tches care to look at anyway. Pathetic. Go stare at yourself in a mirror for 45 mintues. See how violated YOU feel.

You know how long it takes me to come up with material?! You know how long it takes me to think of something witty to say about Heidi Montag’s new face?!

Hahaha. 3.2 seconds out of my day. That’s how long. And it’s the best 3.2 seconds of my life.

Unless you coun’t that one dude…

F*ck. This is turning into a memoir, so I’m outta here.

While I’m on vacay basking in the glory of doing the exact opposite of what people generally do on vacation, I hope ya’ll don’t get too bent out of shape when Audrina Patridge actually leaves the house in something other than a bikini.

Or when our dear Lindsay finally caves in and saws off her ankle.

I can’t wait to come home to see pictures of her wearing that sh*t around her neck.

Now THAT’S a statement piece I wouldn’t mind purchasing.

09
Jan
10

Shut Yo Dirty Mouth.

Loves her.

Chelsea Handler is coming out with her 2nd book this March.

It’ll include all the durrty deets as to her relationship with her Comcast CEO boyfriend, her boozin and I’m sure her ongoing love for all things dwarfin.

Can’t wait.

Cheers bi*ches.

03
Jan
10

This is how THEY do it…

So the CELEB effect was HUGE on NYE.

From poppin bottles in Vegas, to boning models in St. Barts, the A Listers (and D Listers) were getting PAID to help bring in the New Year.

Here’s a GALLERY of various PARTY PICS.

I’m guessing your NYE shindig is seeming kinda LAME right about now?

 

 

23
Sep
09

I doubt it’ll be the GREY GOOSE gettin ya loose…

No doubt this GUY is going to have SOMETHING to do with it.

I love the Goose.

 

His name is ANDRES VELENCOSO. And he’s Kylie Minogue’s boyfriend. (Minor detail) And he’s making out with a bottle of Grey Goose during Fashion Week in Madrid (I’m guessing they’re a sponsor.)

17
Sep
09

A great new way to watch your weight & keep a GOOD BUZZ.

I’m all for being healthy. Slim Fast, Rice Cakes, snorting lines. (JOKING) Really. Joking.

AND I think that Budweiser & Clamato are on the same WAVELENGTH.

Check out this DELECTABLE DUO:

Look MOM. I'm PLASTERED & getting my VITAMIN INTAKE.

Look MOM. I'm PLASTERED & getting my VITAMIN INTAKE.

I seriously haven’t STUMBLED upon a cross so STIMULATING since DRINKSTING. (For those of you who are CONFUSED. Drinking & Texting)

You know what I’ll be QUENCHING my thirst with on the ELLIPTICAL tomorrow.

Cheers.

13
Sep
09

What are you sippin on?

Ya fine Summer’s over. Everyone’s on detox from the 4 day long alcohol binge that left you lying in your friend’s pantry while you were trying to search for Pop Tarts. Or was that just me?  That doesn’t mean you can’t re-live those nights of glory with these sweet mixers I came across. So, hit up a Safeway, grab some booze and let me know when and where it’s going down next. I’ll make sure to bring my own damn Pop Tarts this time.

Cheers.

This is most definitely a FAIL.

 

A Kick In The Crotch

* 1 1/2 oz. Cranberry Juice

* 1 1/2 oz. Vodka

* 1 oz. Blue Curacao

(It’s a shot. It’s quite fantastic. It’s alcohol who cares.

Shoot it.

Amnesia

* 2 oz. Alize Gold Passion

* 1 oz. Rum or Brandy

(Cocktail.) P.S. That’s what she said.

cocktail 

Electric Koolaid

* 1 oz. Blue Curacao

* 1 oz. Midori

* 1/2 oz. Capn Morgans

* Grape & Pineapple Juice

(Cocktail)

 

31
Aug
09

Paying respect to an up and coming Vegas excursion.

 This is the good sh*t:

ABSOLUT CANCER

*A dash of Grenadine

*1 oz. Absolut Vodka

*Splash of Club Soda

*Splash of sour mix

*1 oz. So Co

Toast.

BIKINI

*2 oz. Vodka

*1 tsp. sugar

*1 oz. White Rum

*1/2 Lemon

*1/2 oz. Milk




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