Posts Tagged ‘Angelina Jolie

08
Jun
10

this can’t happen.

Apparently Kimmy K is rumored to be replacing Angelina Jolie in the Tomb Raider franchise….

This is not possible for 2 reasons:

1. Kim does not like streneous exercise. With all the exaggerated movement required how will they be able to find a stunt double with an ass like that? Not happening.

2. Kim gets her nails done on a daily basis. Angelina Jolie probably donated her nails to kids who don’t have any on their fingers at all. Lara Croft eats nails for breakfast. Kim will have nothing of the sort.

Via ShowBizSpy,

“According to Hollywood insiders, the curvy reality TV star is in the middle of negotiations to play video game beauty Lara Croft in a reboot of the film series.

“This will be something very different to Angelina’s Lara,” a source said. “Kim is wanted to play a far more comic-strip version of Lara which would be shot in 3-D and aimed at a teen audience.”

Kim, 29, has previously spoken of her desire to break into acting.

“I would love to do more acting,” she said in December last year. “I have so much going on but acting is definitely exciting to me. I’m hoping to do more TV and I would really love to make movies.”

Oh Kim. You’d shoot a commercial for The King of Floors if it got you TV time.

And I love you for it.

05
May
10

for god sakes angelina, you brought home another one?!

 I don’t know if Jennifer Aniston’s latest PLAN to get back with Brad consists of her disguising herself as a baby so that Angelina would adopt her ass, but I wouldn’t put it past her…

Apparently in efforts to get toned for her upcoming flick (which films in Hawaii) she’s turned to Gwyenth Paltrow’s partner in GOOP, Tracy Anderson, to shape up. And act like a f*cking imbecile while she’s at it.

“Tracy is all about ‘clean eating’, which means no oils, spices or salt. With ‘baby eating’, the food is easily processed by the body. Tracy believes efficient digestion equals quick weight loss. But this is a temporary diet for shifting a few pounds quickly, before going back to a normal, healthy eating plan.”

Even this Tracy b*tch knows that it’s complete bullsh*t. She just admitted that it’s NOT normal.

I honestly think she’s one of Angelina’s minions hired to make Jennifer look like an actual blubbering baby sitting there shoving mashed apricot into her face while she goes and shows Brad how much hotter she is.

Angelina: “Look at those veins in my forearm Bradley, those are so sexy and unique. Does that b*tch have veins Bradley? Does she??”

Brad: “N-n-no my Q-q-queen, she does not. I love how purply and bulging they are my dear.”

Angelina: “Yeah b*tch, now bring me a human. It’s time for my dinner.”

http://action.tracyandersonmethod.com/

http://goop.com/

14
Apr
10

picture of the day.

Must. Never. Wear. Pleated. Dress.

09
Apr
10

may god be with them.

OMFG.

Like I can’t believe that like, Hollywood’s EX Golden Couple is sneaking around making sweet love together.

Especially when Angelina Jolie has 10 sets of eyes on her tenticles. That b*tch can spot a couple wanting to adopt on her territory faster than she can spot a gun slinging movie role.

That’s pretty f*cking fast.

Via In Touch,

In an exclusive interview, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s former bodyguard reveals that since Brad and his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston reconnected at the 2009 Academy Awards, they have hooked up four times — three times in LA and once in New York — and even recently shared a passionate kiss. “I know that he still loves her,” the ex-bodyguard Bill, who for security reasons chooses only to be identified by his first name, tells In Touch.

In fact, there was one date that Bill says brought them closer than ever — and since then, their relationship has heated up even more. Brad and Jen arranged a secret meeting at the trails off of Western Canyon Road in Beverly Hills on December 9, Bill says. At 3:30p.m., Jen pulled up to the location in her Bentley, and Brad arrived on his motorcycle. After Brad climbed into Jen’s passenger seat, “They were very cozy, clearly embracing,” Bill reveals for the first time. “Several times, Brad and Jen were hugging and kissing.” After talking and nuzzling for about 30 to 40 minutes, Bill, who was on “paparazzi watch,” advised the pair that they should leave, as photographers were spotted just a few miles away. “Jennifer left first, flashing Brad a quick peace sign and a smile,” says Bill. “Brad jogged back to his motorcycle, drove off and went for an hour bike ride.”

As was announced mere SECONDS after this interview was printed, Bill is no longer WITH us.

LAPD say that he pretty much disintegrated into a pile of dust. A vial of blood was left at the scene.

07
Apr
10

picture of the day.

Santa Angelina in Bosnia yesterday lending a helping hand.

Clearly Jennifer Aniston’s #1 FAN over there on the right is FAR from impressed.

25
Mar
10

SNAPPED.

Angelina with one half of the TWINS, Knox, laughing at the common folk atop their balcony in Venice

“Look Mommy, look at those peasantry with their funny little monetary issues and such.”

 

24
Mar
10

BRAD PITT IS BORED…

So in case you were wondering when Brad Pitt was going to WISE up and take a hack saw to his scruffy ass beard he’s been sporting for the past few months…it ain’t gonna happen unless Angelina livens sh*t up a by bringing a machine gun to bed…

Via, the Sun,

 “It’s boredom. No other reason than that.”

Because raising a family of 2437, keeping a chick like Angelina satisfied, and building HOMES for the people of New Orleans is like, so MUNDANE.

Get a hobby Brad. Maybe fly a PLANE or something.

Oh wait, you’ve already done that?

Well, f*ck you.

 

 




Who you callin a TWIT?

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