Posts Tagged ‘Elin Nordegren

13
Apr
10

somebody’s jealous they don’t have nice sh*t.

I took yesterday off because I felt like Britney Spears must FEEL like when she sees pictures of herself BEFORE they’ve been PHOTOSHOPPED.

For those who care, I’m back in fighting shape now and can’t wait to post the pictures of that Macy’s mannequin that almost caused a flood of hot wax by melting in the sun this past weekend in Vegas.

So anyways,

Jim Carey is supposedly lost in on Twitter because he no longer can COMFORTABLY dress up in Jenny McCarthy’s bathing suits anymore. In his sh*t fit, he targeted Elin Woods, mainly because she ‘s gifted with expensive sh*t to stay depressed and all he has to comfort him is Valium.

– Tiger Woods owes nothing 2 anyone but himself. 2 please his father he gave up his childhood and his freedom in the world. That’s enough!—>
– No wife is blind enough to miss that much infidelity. Elin had 2 b a willing participant on the ride 4 whatever reason. kids/lifestyle ;^)

– @JimCarrey. Who r u to attack Tiger Wood’s innocent wife Elin? YOU CREEP!!Jenny mightve been INTO SEX groups. Elin was home w. her babes. 😦
– @eyssogreen That’s a cop out Gail. No woman just stays at home with the kids anymore. Tiger was wrong and Elin was ignoring the obvious ;^)

Someone give Jim a brand new house and a pat on the back for Ace Ventura and let’s put a stop to this nonsense. Elin has better things to do. Like spit shine her new earrings.

 

 

05
Apr
10

quiet on the green b*tches.

Imagine watching 34807 whores climbing over each other’s Wet Seal clad asses while using their cheap acrylics to claw each other’s eyes out in order to get a good spot in front of the cameras.

No, no no, shame on you. The Kardashian sisters do NOT wear Wet Seal.

But this is what you can expect during the Masters. Which is another reason why Elin Nordgren couldn’t be bothered to show up, with the main reason being of course that she doesn’t trust herself with all those golf clubs sitting around.

Via HollywoodLife,

“She did not even say goodbye to Tiger,” one insider told RadarOnline.
Could Elin’s absence have anything to do with the fact that several of Tiger’s ‘kittens’ (aka mistresses) like Joslyn James and Jaimee Grubbs are meant to show at the tourney? The Sunday Mail reported that the 34-year-old golf pro was so worried that he hired an additional 90 members of security to the 200 already stationed on the green.”

Gee thanks extra security.

Watching some chick rub up on a golf club while winking in Tiger’s direction would have made it a whole lot easier to sit through a game of golf.

God.

*Those stains on his shirt aren’t really helping him out any.

 

 

04
Mar
10

MAMA WANTS TO KEEP HER FACE TIGHT.

There was NO WAY in Hell that Elin Nordegren was going to give up her Botox treatments for drugstrore sh*t so really, girl had NO choice but to stay with Tiger.

Via Radar Online:

“On Wednesday, Elin and Tiger spent approximately three hours together at the house where they will once again live together. They were in the backyard, and a source close to the situation told RadarOnline.com exclusively that at one point Tiger kissed Elin on the cheek three times and they hugged.
That shows how far the couple has come from Thanksgiving, when Elin discovered he was having an affair with Rachel Uchitel. That discovery let to an argument, with Tiger leaving the house in the early morning and crashing his vehicle into a fire hydrant and a tree.”

Hell, she’s going to have to agree to etch Nike into her ass if she wants to continue living her lavish lifestyle, which might not be such a GOOD idea, I mean, reminding Tiger that he should “Just Do It.”

24
Feb
10

Elin apologizes to the PTA…

So because it was apparent that Tiger may NOT be able to control himself in the MIDST of females, whether it’s an elementary school or Strip Club, Elin had to take it upon herself to APOLOGIZE for her husband show and telling his p*nis to the World.

Via E! News,

We would like to share our appreciation for your support over the past several months and offer our personal apology for any inconvenience you are experiencing due to the increased media scrutiny surrounding our children. We truly understand how frustrating it can be.

“We hope that the paparazzi will find something better to do with their time in the near future. In the meantime, it is our goal to keep life as normal as possible for our children. We are sure that as parents you can appreciate that. For Sam, that normalcy means attending the school that she enjoys so much.”

Where’s the attached form signed by Tiger to not come within 20 ft. of a bunch of screaming girls?

 

Just Sayin’

 

 

19
Feb
10

I did not have sexual relations…

Ha.

Tiger Woods put on a shirt and pants (thankfully) and actually made it to the PRESS conference he put on this morning to apologize for REALLY thinking  he was supposed to JUST DO IT.

Of course the ONE woman he didn’t stick it into was there to show her SUPPORT

Tiger’s Mom told ESPN, “I said, ‘I’m so proud of you. Never think you stand alone. Mom will always be there for you and I love you.”

Hey mama doesn’t wanna risk wearing clothes from Ross now does she?

This guy put as much EMOTION into this sh*t as I do when my Dad tries to explain to me the inner mechanics of a thermometer.

So Elin never HIT him. B*tch didn’t lift a damn finger.

I love it.

Props to him for not looking up into the RAFTERS in fear where she was stealthily passing a 9 iron from hand to hand.

18
Feb
10

Wait till you get home b*tch.

For those of you who were planning on TUNING in to watch Tiger apologize with his TAIL between his legs and expecting his WIFE to be there just in case there was a waitress in the AUDIENCE, too bad.

Apparently she WANTS nothing to do with his PRESS conference tomorrow.

PopEater reports:
“It’s hard enough for her to try and make this marriage work after what he did to her and their children,” an insider tells me. “The last thing she wants to do right now is stand next to him in front of him and the world’s press. What message is she sending to her daughter and women and girls around the world.”

What a shame.

I would have loved to seen some wayward HOE get clobbered over the head…I’m thinking it probably would have went a little SOMETHING like this…

This, of course, has nothing to do with what his chick has planned for him at home.

You’re gonna have to be FASTER than that BUD.

04
Feb
10

Doctor, I need a refill.

Been to Vegas lately?

Ever notice that all the COCKTAIL waitress have looked a TAD sullen as of late?

Well girls, go in for your daily SHOT, hit up the pharmacy, and hike that skirt up a little more, Tiger Woods has left REHAB.

Radar Online reports that his wife was in Hattiesburg to pick up her paycheque, I mean husband and that instead of getting a divorce, they’re planning on going away somewhere to sort their sh*t out.

This guy won’t be able to keep it in his pants for longer than a couple days.

He’s gotta brush up on his game, whether he’s clubbing his wife or the therapist’s assistant.

Meow.




Who you callin a TWIT?

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