Posts Tagged ‘inTouch magazine

14
May
10

somebody…anybody…?

Wow.

There’s actually one person (besides her MOTHER) that cares about Lindsay LOLohan

I mean, I care about her. I care about what sh*t she got into the night before so that I could sit here and crack jokes about (whoops, there’s that “crack” again) her and laugh at her expense.

But this guy REALLY cares.

Via InTouch,

“Hot director Robert Rodriguez may have taken a gamble by hiring wild child Lindsay Lohan, 23 — for what some are calling a last-chance role — in the upcoming film Machete, which also stars Robert De Niro. But the director claims the troubled star is a victim of bad press: “Lindsay isn’t any different from any girl her age,” says Rodriguez. “She has the same problems that a lot of our daughters have, but she’s in the public eye all the time. I’ve seen them carry some other girl the same age out of that same club and nobody cares a damn.”

He cares so much, that he’ll probably ask for her bank password and credit cards juuuust for safekeeping.

 

29
Apr
10

heidi montag is a crackhead.

Okay, she’s not, but she’s addicted to PAINKILLERS, and picturing a crackhead with boobs the size of 2 grocery bags filled with pork rinds is amusing to me…

Via InTouch,

“She isn’t all there when you speak to her.” According to a medical source, doctors would have prescribed painkillers such as Demerol, Vicodin and Percocet to Heidi after she had 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day in November. “She said she was in so much pain — at times it was unbearable,” the pal says. “She had to keep taking pills, or else it would have been too hard to handle.”
But some friends worry that she continued to take drugs long after the pain went away. And they think the pills may be responsible for the Hills star’s bizarre behavior.

Call me crazy but this b*tch was pretty GONE even before her transformation. I actually figured she did this to match the size of her brain. I mean Barbie’s kinda small, sure she was a surgeon, nurse, officer of the peace, and a nun, but she had a small brain nonetheless.

Heidi’s decision to downgrade herself to match the size of her brain might have been the most considerate thing she’s done in her lifetime.

“See mama, Heidi did a good.

“A what honey?”

“A good.”

“Sorry what?”

“Mama, my jaw is locked real tight remember.”

 

18
Mar
10

shoulda bought the Tiger app…

Boobs McGee has FOUND her meal ticket and is trying to bring some HARDCORE evidence to the table, that Jesse James is indeed a MORON not only because he cheated on his wife but because he didn’t get the Tiger app for his iPhone.

Here’s what Boobs released to inTouch magazine,

Ok, any 16 year old girl with an allowance can buy a PREPAID cell phone and text themselves messages from God damn Robert Pattinson if they so pleased, so this really tells us NOTHING other than this b*tch needs to hit up one of Tiger’s hoes to so that she can learn from a REAL pro.

2nd row on the right looks like a seasoned expert.

I base that solely on her looks.

*UPDATE*

James just cried to PEOPLE asking his wife for FORGIVENESS

 
 

The vast majority of the allegations reported are untrue and unfounded. Beyond that, I will not dignify these private matters with any further public comment.
“There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me. It’s because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way.
“This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them. I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused them. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me.”

Oh shutup.

That’s like saying yes I did murder that person, but no, I did NOT use that gun.

Or in his case, “I did bone that chick, BUT I didn’t use THAT condom. It was uh, that thing, that thing over there. Oh sh*t that’s my sock.”

 Tool.

 

 

 




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