Posts Tagged ‘Legal Woes


you’ll need a lot more than a cigarette…

Charlie Sheen is worried that he won’t be able to light up while in the slammer for his short stint for showing his wife how much he loves her with his backhand.

What he SHOULD  be worried about is how he’s going to save his a**hole from getting lit up…

Via US Weekly,

a source tells Us [Charlie’s] most worried about being able to smoke behind bars. The actor’s criminal defense attorney, Richard Cummins, has been asking local law enforcement if they’d be willing to make an exception to the jail’s no-smoking policy. Authorities say they aren’t likely to make an exception to the no-smoking rule, which has been in effect for 10 to 15 years. 

The Two and a Half Men star, 44, is likely to end up in Aspen’s Pitkin County Jail, which allows nicotine patches for inmates. Nicotine gum is not allowed to prevent gum from ruining the carpet. Us has learned that the Aspen County District Attorney has offered Sheen a plea deal that would put him behind bars for 45 days, but prosecutors would drop the felony charge in return for Sheen pleading guilty to a misdemeanor.

He should just man up and plead guilty. There’s gonna be a lot of depressed hookers around and Tiger Woods needs to focus on his A game.



mustve been quickie time…

So Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz have both CALLED OFF the allegations that were made against each other.

It must have been hard for Jenna to wait that long before having sex again…

Jenna says, “What actually happened has now been dramatically distorted and misinterpreted and remarks that both Tito and I made after the police arrived reflect the state of shock that we were both in.”

On Tito’s side, he’s dropped statments he made about her being addicted to OxyCotin and sources tell TMZ that he could have also lost his UFC contract if he had indeed been charged with domestic abuse.

With all the money these two idiots made in the past 5 days they can go sh*tcrazy on Oxycotin, Vicodin, Ambien, and f*cking baby Asprin if they so please.

Hey why not? Not like she can actually feel anything going on down there, he va*ina is probably as wide as an Amtrak tunnel.



dealers prepare themselves for a dry spell…

This is 100% a great thing for HUMANKIND, but drug dealers are probably wishing that they had taken a course or something.

Should have listened to your parents…

Via TMZ,

Lindsay Lohan has violated the terms of her probation and is headed for a showdown in court next month that will almost certainly land her in jail. Lohan — who is on probation for DUI — has not fulfilled the alcohol education requirement laid down by the judge … TMZ has learned.

Judge Marsha Revel made it clear to Lindsay late last year, she must attend alcohol ed courses once every 7 days.  The only exception — if she was in inpatient rehab.  And the judge was explicit … if Lindsay did not comply with the terms of probation, she was going to jail.

The school in which Lindsay enrolled is required by state law to inform the court only if the student is MIA for 21 days.  So here’s the disconnect: The school has not reported an attendance violation … because Lindsay frequently waited until the 21st day to attend classes.

Bottom line — Lindsay met the school’s requirement, but squarely violated the judge’s order.

Judge Revel has made it clear to Lindsay — no more chances.  If probation is violated, she’s going to jail … and probation was repeatedly violated.

This b*tch knows she’s getting thrown in the SLAMMER. She even punched out her own f*cking tooth in preparation.

Although I have a feeling being in a cell with Lindsay LOLohan will leave even an axe murderer cowering in the corner.


hee hee hee they think i stupid.

This is starting to get a bit monotonous no?

Lindsay Lohan is dirty, Lindsay Lohan is drunk, Lindsay Lohan is cracked out, Lindsay Lohan pisses herself…yadda yadda yadda….

Anyways, this is probably the most TAME thing she’s done in a while…

Via TMZ,

Lindsay Lohan has been named a suspect in the theft of a $35,000 Rolex watch, law enforcement sources tell TMZ. We’re told the watch belongs to one of Lindsay’s “friends,” who accidentally left it at Lindsay’s house earlier this year — and never got it back.

But sources tell us that cops have photographic evidence which could prove Lindsay knows exactly where the Rolex went.  We’re told cops rolled over to Lohan’s pad Wednesday to question the actress about the Rolex — but Lindsay denied any involvement in the theft.”

Let’s all take a STEP back and view this in a different light. Lindsay actually has enough brainpower to conjur up a robbery. Here we thought she couldn’t even figure out how to take a sh*t without falling over herself.

This is huge progress. Let her keep the fu*cking watch. It’s a fine instrument in this new LEARNING  path she’s on. She needs to learn how to count to 12 somehow.



AND because its April. AND because its the 22nd. AND because life just wouldn’t make sense to us if this didn’t happen at least 6 out of the 7 days in a week…

Via TMZ,

Lindsay Lohan is 0 for 2 in the deposition department. TMZ has learned Lindsay was a no-show again … in what is looking like a futile attempt to find out what really happened during her 2007 wild ride.

Three passengers in Lindsay’s car — along with the passenger in the car she was chasing — are suing her, claiming she endangered their lives in a drunken chase down Pacific Coast Highway.

The passengers were scheduled to take Lindsay’s depo yesterday at 10 AM but her lawyer, Ed McPherson, tells TMZ she couldn’t get a ride until 11 AM — she’s not allowed to drive as a condition of her probation.”

You know, this reminds me of a certain boyfriend who was charged with DUI which prevented him from driving to Canada to come see me ,by acting like a drunk f*ck driving down the PCH, so it’s a givein that I’m quite emotional about drunk f*cks driving down the Pacific Coast Highway.

So, f*ck you Lindsay Lohan.

 In case you already haven’t passed out cold while in traffic today, I hope you do. To make me feel even better, I hope it happens in front of the paparazzi so I can get a clear picture.

And f*ck you for stirring up hostile memories too.







Seriously go get your own weed.

According to TMZ, Stoner Numero Uno, Kal Penn was minding his own business wishing he could have been able to coerce Obama into taking a hit or two before he QUIT the administration, when some dude jonesin for the good sh*t held him at GUNPOINT.

He made off with his wallet after he realized he had no stash, and no coupon for In N Out.

SOMEone needs to move to BC.


no english.

Lindsay LOLohan should be lucky that no one can understand the sh*t that comes out of her mouth because maybe now it’ll come to fruition when the credit companies come a callin’

Via RadarOnline,

“Lindsay owes credit cards $600,000,” a source tells of the troubled 23-year-old. “One card cut her off last week and it’s only a matter of time before all her other credit cards cut her off too. “One credit card company is going to discuss a payment plan for Lindsay,” the source continued. But if she doesn’t have the income and can’t make her payments, they are prepared to sue her.”

Unless they plan on taking away her midriff tops and used hair extensions I really don’t see what they expect to get out of this chick.

If I were them I’d cross my fingers in hopes of her actually being alive enough to sue her.



my kinda girl…

well, besides the LACK of proper etiquette and ability to function on a day to day basis without doing blow for breakfast…

Via TMZ,

Just hours after Lindsay bailed on an important deposition — where she was supposed to answer accusations stemming from an alleged alcohol-fueled car chase in 2007 — LiLo was seen browsing in a Beverly Hills clothing boutique.
Lindsay claimed she was too busy to attend the all-day deposition.”

In case anyone cares her incident in 2007 involved LOLhan hijacking an SUV with 3 ppl inside while chasing her assistant through Bev Hills. She plead guilty to reckless driving, driving under the influence of cocaine. and driving with a blood alcohol level of .08 or higher, after the BOOZE had worn off.

Anyways, b*tch spent a total of 84 minutes in the slammer, which sadly, was not long enough for use her weave has a noose, and the 3 guys in the SUV of course ended up suing her.

You know, how to you expect this chick to show up alive, let alone alive in COURT? She walks around in a constant state of befuddlement that she confused the CHANGE ROOM for a bathroom stall and crouched into a SQUAT on the floor.





because everyone wants to feel up a blowup doll…

All those FUMES from whatever the f*ck she’s inflated with must be going to Heidi Montag’s bobblehead because she started off what could have been a great Bobblehead Free morning with a sexual harassment claim.

Guess what? It’s not on Spencer.

Via Life & Style,

It happened the last weekend of March, during a cast photo shoot to promote the sixth and final season of The Hills, an insider close to Heidi tells Life & Style. “Adam came up to her from behind and grabbed her with one hand on her stomach and one hand directly on her butt cheek,” the insider claims. “Heidi had six bodyguards with her. They took his hand off her and moved him away from the situation.”
Heidi refused to go ahead with the photo shoot, a move that got her labeled a diva in online reports. Heidi’s husband, Spencer Pratt, issued a statement on March 29, saying Heidi “was sick and she didn’t even want to go to that photo shoot.”
The insider tells Life & Style that Heidi claims she’d been annoyed with DiVello for a while. “Heidi started bringing security to the set because she felt Adam was getting a little creepy. He was very touchy-feely and she insisted he wouldn’t stop asking her to strip down to a bikini for scenes. Adam wasn’t on set much for six seasons until Heidi got her new boobs. And now he shows up everywhere.”

In case this BUFFOON is telling the truth, I’m on Adam’s side. What the f*ck is any heterosexual male supposed to do when a chick with t*ts the size of a newborn’s head walks into the room?! Considering it’s Heidi Montag we’re talking about, actually having a CONVERSATION is out of the question. So yeah, my first response after checking my shorts would probably be to touch the booby.

I’m still trying to get into this chick’s head. (Shudder) Like, what did you get Double Z t*ts for in the first place?? To fill out a nun’s uniform? To balance textbooks on? F*ck.

Anyways, these claims aren’t SHOCKING because let’s face it, other that trying to write movies about killing space aliens with her giant boobs and trying to put one foot in front of the other without tipping over, this b*tch has nothing better to do.

I’m guessing this Dude has never made out with a Blowup doll, because any guy who has can pretty much say they’ve f*cked with Heidi Montag.



sue f*cking mad.

Ex Desperate Housewife, Nicolette Sheridan is apparently SUING Marc Cherry, the creator of the highly addictive series of ladies who are highly addicted to injections and boning the neighbors…

Via TMZ,

In the lawsuit, Sheridan claims Cherry created a hostile work environment from the get go, “behaving in an extremely abusive and aggressive manner toward the individuals who work on the show.”
Sheridan says during the 5th season, Cherry put her in his crosshairs. She claims on September 24, 2008, he physically assaulted her after she questioned him about something in the script. According to the lawsuit, “Cherry took her aside and forcefully hit her with his hand across her face and head.”
According to the suit, after the alleged incident, Cherry went to her trailer to “beg forgiveness.”
Sheridan says she immediately reported the incident to ABC, but Cherry’s aggressiveness only worsened and ABC failed to take action.
And, she says, she was killed off the show unfairly.

I say Marc is f*cked. I wouldn’t go up against a woman who looks  like her eyes would have the ability to cut off your p*nis in 3 seconds or less.

Just Sayin’


Who you callin a TWIT?

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December 2020