Posts Tagged ‘Surgical Horrors



21
Apr
10

tara reid’s single again.

Terror Reid is single again after calling OFF her WEDDING. Mmm, just in time for Pool Season too.

Too bad, she’d look so much PRETTIER covered up in 30 yards of fabric.

Via PEOPLE,

Four months after she got engaged, Tara Reid says her wedding planned for next month is off. The actress and Playboy model, 34, gave no explanation, releasing only a brief statement saying, “Tara Reid has confirmed that she will not be moving forward with her May 22 nuptials.”

After dating for several months, Reid and Internet entrepreneur Michael Axtmann were engaged in January when he presented her with a ring while having dinner at a Los Angeles restaurant, prompting applause from other diners.”

Hmm, the guy must’ve woke up in the middle of the night and rolled over to Tara’s stomach in his face and thought it was his Grandma.

That kinda sh*t will scar you for life.

(Sorry Tara, no pun intended).

19
Apr
10

f*ck you heidi.

Apparently Kate Hudson got IMPLANTS last week.

I don’t know if Heidi Montag has SKEWED my version of implants ever since she got those small heads attached to her chest, but I don’t see anything, not that I feel like a pervert for dissecting someone’s rack or anything.

My guess is that she wanted people to talk about something other than the fact her Mom sometimes looks hotter than she does.

14
Apr
10

snapped.

Tila TeKILLya literally TROLLING around at Howard Stern’s Sirius radio show.

Someone step on this b*tch already…

13
Apr
10

it’s all starting to make sense…

Amy Winecooler Winehouse was RUSHED to the hospital over the weekend, and this time it wasn’t because she almost died from her Tuesday morning drug binge…

Via The Sun,

Terrified Amy Winehouse has been rushed to hospital with agonising pains from her boob implants. The 26-year-old Rehab singer was kept in overnight while doctors carried out urgent tests. She is now waiting to discover whether she must undergo corrective surgery – or even have the 32D implants removed.

A family friend said: “Amy was in agony and became convinced it was something to do with her boobs.

“She thought she would leave it for a while but the pain got worse. She went into the clinic on Thursday and they kept her under observation. She is waiting for a decision on whether the implants have to come out or not.”

If the boobs come out what’s gonna pad her bra after that??

Oh right. Crack rocks are perfect that kind of thing. Lumpy, but really, who the f*ck is twisted enough to look at this chick’s breasts anyway?!

See. Even she thinks it’s funny.

13
Apr
10

run for your lives!

A Macy’s mannequin was spotted basking by the pool at the OPENING of Liquid at Aria in Vegas this past weekend.

There’s no news as to the death toll after people were enveloped by a 20 ft. puddle of wax when the mannequin melted.

In other news, MTV has announced that, due to an unfortunate freak accident, Heidi Montag will NOT be appearing at the PREMIER of the last season of The Hills.

 

 How sad.

 
 
 

 

06
Apr
10

please do not touch the wax figures.

So Boobs Montag had a team of mannequin handlers from Neimans cart her into Ryan Seacrest’s KISS headquarters yesterday…

She opened up about her 3587 procedures, and pouted (yes, there was a button for that) on the fact that her Z cups disabled her abilty to jog.

Now I actually think this is a secret PLEA for help because the only reason that this b*tch would be jogging is to get away from Spencer when he wants sex. I’d imagine it’s somewhat along the lines of trying to poke a paralyzed person.

Anyways here’s what she managed to say without her lips falling into her lap…

On “scooping”


When Ryan Seacrest asked her to clarify what a “back scoop” is, Montag replied, “I actually didn’t know. I might be the first one to try it. It carves out your back a little bit.”

On creating a horror flick:


“I have the footage of my ten procedures. Going into it, getting it done…I’ve watched a little bit.” The bloody footage might see the light of day in a future reality show, Montag hinted.

On admitting she doesn’t bone Spencer:

“I’m very weird about hugging people now — [my body] is very fragile.”

I’d be pretty wary of hugging people too when the end result would be my head popping off and shooting into the sky faster than Balloon Boy’s air mobile.

26
Mar
10

her boobs will be bigger than avatar.

Who knew that Heidi Montag could write screenplays?

Who knew that this b*tch could even write?!

Via PEOPLE magazine,

One of the characters Montag wants to play is “a lifeguard named Summer” in a script she wrote herself.
“I am making the first 3-D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3-D boobs,” Montag says. “I’ve even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor!”

James Cameron would love to get his hands on this sh*t. After Ron Jeremy is done with it that is.

Forget Avatar, NOTHING is bigger than Heidi’s ti*ties.

It’s a great way to get back at Kathryn Bigelow for making women everywhere believe that they’re capable of doing more than just taking their tops off.

Watching Heidi Montag save young children with her INFLATABLE boobs will take her down a couple notches.

It is what it is girls. Embrace it.

Thank you Heidi, for making high powered business women realize their true calling…Hustler.




Who you callin a TWIT?

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