Posts Tagged ‘The Jersey Shore

09
Jun
10

now this is a walk of shame.

And I thought walking the Vegas strip in boxer briefs with my dress around my waist and heels in hand was shameful.

This is just plain SICK.

Snooki was snapped leaving the MTV Movie Awards afterparty at Las Palmas nightclub with a *gasp* male. Now call me crazy but this guy has to be a rapist. Or depressed. Or deprived. Or he already has an STD so what’s another one for the night right?

Yeahhhh. Whose with me on this one?! Am I right or am I right?!

*crickets*

If this is indeed, legit, I’m trying to come up with an alternate solution for this guy. Here he’s seen clearly embarassed by his fellow companion, and from the look on her face she’s clearly had a super sized margarita or 10.

The gentlemanly thing to do in this situaion is to pick your lady up in your arms and gallantly carry her to the backseat of your vehicle, or taxi if you’re being smart about it. Taking into consideration the size of his partner, I would expect this above plan to be out of the question. So unless he has a trailer attached to his car, once he gets out of sight from the paparazzi he’s gonna have to grab his buddies and roll the b*tch home.

Hey when you’re that desperate, you can make anything work.

08
Jun
10

oh c’mon. i’m running out of herpes jokes here…

What do you get when you put Paris Hilton and Snooki side by side…?

An insider’s access to STD medication.

Hyuck. Hyuck.

Via US Magazine,

“I was just giving her advice,” she said. “I just told her to remain the same sweet girl [she is] and not let anything affect her; be strong and don’t pay attention to bad press. People can say mean things about you, but you should know who you are and not pay attention to it.” If she comes back to LA, will Hilton show her the club ropes?
“Definitely!” she told Us.”

It only makes sense for Snooki to have Paris show her the ropes. “The ropes” being the best way to cushion your knees when giving a blowj*b & tips on how to stay sexually active during a flare up of course.

Anyways, besides that, I think Paris’ adoration for all things small and furry clouded her vision. She probably thought Snooki was an overweight Chihuahua and ended the night trying to stuff her into her Louis Vuitton.

Snooki probably gave a sh*t.

“Weee. I’ve never seen the inside of a real designer bag before!” This don’t smell like noodles!’

“I wonder if she’s got food in here.”

 

08
Jun
10

i’ll have a pill with that vodka thanks.

This can only be a case for Backwardstown. Where sh*t like this actually makes sense…

Via The New York Post,

Reality shows such as “Celebrity Rehab” and “Jersey Shore” are so worried about sexually transmitted diseases, they pass out medication “like M&Ms” to cast members, say the shows’ producers.

In a round-table discussion of reality show execs published yesterday in The Hollywood Reporter, SallyAnn Salsano, creator of “Jersey Shore,” says STDs are a constant concern.

“I do a full medical [for cast members] but I also do a lot of STD stuff,” she says.

“We hand [herpes medication] out like M&Ms!” Salsano said. ” ‘Hey kids, it’s time for Valtrex!’ It’s like a herpes nest. They’re all in there mixing it up.”

 For the staff? If they want to avoid disease wouldn’t they be giving it to each and every citizen in the 50 States?

God Bless the poor woman who has to do the medical. She’s been where no one has ever been before. Snooki’s va*ina. That’s like No Man’s land.

She should be honored along with the rest of the men and women who help protect the United States of America.

Anyways, the Jersey boys are like dogs. Giving them medication for the Herp is like giving a dog medication that denies him the ability to piss.

How will they be able to make their mark then…??

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07
Jun
10

but why…??

The only reason these fools were allowed anywhere other than at a tanning salon is because its MTV. And MTV would let a pack of starving wolves in if they made them money. Truth is though, they’d be less entertaining to watch. And wolves don’t have fake boobs.

Otherwise after being DENIED entry, J Woww would sadly have had to return her dress to LA Clubwear for the lowly $20 she spent on it.

Hey $20 = how many tanning minutes?

Anyways, I’m guessing they weren’t even there for the full awards show last night. Snooki was probably busy trying to seduce the guy at the concession for extra butter on her popcorn while The Situation was occupied by trying to bone his date in the arena without anyone seeing.

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01
Jun
10

when midgets mate.

First off, this is NOT a joke.

Second, Snooki still hasn’t come to terms with the fact that she’s THIS close to not being able to find a partner with anyone in the human species.

*rubs eyes*

*opens*

*blinks*

*my eyes! my eyes are still here! Oh thank you God! I was so scared.*

She’s gonna get hit alright. It ain’t gonna be on Twitter though.

28
May
10

together forever.

The most shocking NEWS of the day wasn’t Gary Coleman passing away but Snooki finding solace in her new boyfriend.

Klaussen.

Dunno if it’ll work out though. Too classy a name.

She can barely spell “Dick.”

26
May
10

your daily sigh.

O M Jesus.

They’re here.

The PICS that you’ve been DYING to see. The PICS that that supermodel Noemie felt she had to kill herself over. How can any WOMAN measure up to this sh*t?!

I might as well f*ck the gym and have a Twinkie. There’s no hope for me after sexy women like this grace our Nation.

Behold, for you have NEVER seen beauty like this before…

Joking.

It’s just Sammi Sweetheart frolicking lurking around Miami.

Hey don’t be mad. I could have posted those pics of Snooki humping a slice of pizza.*

*No those aren’t open to the public, but it’s only a matter of time till they surface.

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