Posts Tagged ‘Tiger Woods

20
May
10

you’ll need a lot more than a cigarette…

Charlie Sheen is worried that he won’t be able to light up while in the slammer for his short stint for showing his wife how much he loves her with his backhand.

What he SHOULD  be worried about is how he’s going to save his a**hole from getting lit up…

Via US Weekly,

a source tells Us [Charlie’s] most worried about being able to smoke behind bars. The actor’s criminal defense attorney, Richard Cummins, has been asking local law enforcement if they’d be willing to make an exception to the jail’s no-smoking policy. Authorities say they aren’t likely to make an exception to the no-smoking rule, which has been in effect for 10 to 15 years. 

The Two and a Half Men star, 44, is likely to end up in Aspen’s Pitkin County Jail, which allows nicotine patches for inmates. Nicotine gum is not allowed to prevent gum from ruining the carpet. Us has learned that the Aspen County District Attorney has offered Sheen a plea deal that would put him behind bars for 45 days, but prosecutors would drop the felony charge in return for Sheen pleading guilty to a misdemeanor.

He should just man up and plead guilty. There’s gonna be a lot of depressed hookers around and Tiger Woods needs to focus on his A game.

 

07
May
10

forgive me for this one…

Rachel Uchitel (one of the first hoes that Tiger Woods drove his club through) is saying stuff about David Boreanaz, because David Boreanaz cheated on his wife.

This b*tch’ll be opening her trap everytime some random celeb is caught cheating. She’s like the Yoda of whores.

Via TMZ,

“David Boreanaz is not part of my life, nor will he be. I am not in communication with him and do not wish to be.
“I have made no claims against him and do not plan to assert any. Any statements to the contrary are false and I hope that this statement will finally end any speculation about this issue.
“I am looking forward to a life that is not filled with scandal, rumor, innuendo or false statements about me. I will not have any further comment regarding David Boreanaz.”

My nips hard money makes.  Hmmmmmm.

 

 

29
Apr
10

the lifestyles of the f*cked up and delusional…

Here’s Jenna Jameson with what is supposed to be a broken arm…

The next time I get the sh*t kicked out of me, I’m going to try SMIZING more, seems like it works wonders…

The NY Daily Times is saying that Tiger Wood’s ex whore, Joslyn James, slept with Tito Otiz as well (what a surprise) and that he was a sh*tshow around her too.

“I saw three separate situations myself,” James, a friend of Jameson’s, told the Daily News. “They would be partying, and she wouldn’t do anything in particular to set him off.”

Sure it happened while she was tied to the bed with barb wire awaiting her turn, but a witness is a witness…

Meanwhile TMZ is reporting that Tito’s lawyer has evidence that Jenna isn’t the perfect angel everyone thinks she is is a f*ckup…

“We have witnesses and evidence,” said Ortiz’s lawyer Chip Matthew. “She underwent private rehab at home, and family and friends participated.”
Matthews said Ortiz found two pills in Jameson’s pants pocket and said “I’m out of here” when she responded with an excuse.
“He meant he needed a day or two without talking, but she went ballistic,” the lawyer said.”

I say the case was AIRTIGHT in Jenna’s favor after the MISTRESS spoke.

High powered lawyers schmoyers.

 

 

13
Apr
10

somebody’s jealous they don’t have nice sh*t.

I took yesterday off because I felt like Britney Spears must FEEL like when she sees pictures of herself BEFORE they’ve been PHOTOSHOPPED.

For those who care, I’m back in fighting shape now and can’t wait to post the pictures of that Macy’s mannequin that almost caused a flood of hot wax by melting in the sun this past weekend in Vegas.

So anyways,

Jim Carey is supposedly lost in on Twitter because he no longer can COMFORTABLY dress up in Jenny McCarthy’s bathing suits anymore. In his sh*t fit, he targeted Elin Woods, mainly because she ‘s gifted with expensive sh*t to stay depressed and all he has to comfort him is Valium.

– Tiger Woods owes nothing 2 anyone but himself. 2 please his father he gave up his childhood and his freedom in the world. That’s enough!—>
– No wife is blind enough to miss that much infidelity. Elin had 2 b a willing participant on the ride 4 whatever reason. kids/lifestyle ;^)

– @JimCarrey. Who r u to attack Tiger Wood’s innocent wife Elin? YOU CREEP!!Jenny mightve been INTO SEX groups. Elin was home w. her babes. 😦
– @eyssogreen That’s a cop out Gail. No woman just stays at home with the kids anymore. Tiger was wrong and Elin was ignoring the obvious ;^)

Someone give Jim a brand new house and a pat on the back for Ace Ventura and let’s put a stop to this nonsense. Elin has better things to do. Like spit shine her new earrings.

 

 

07
Apr
10

just wanted to borrow a pinch of sugar.

You knowwww.

Sugarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

*wink wink*

RadarOnline is reporting that Tiger Woods boned his 21 year old neighbor.

 Coudriet is now 22 and recently confronted Tiger when all his mistresses were revealed because she was furious that she was just another conquest, according to the new issue of the National Enquirer.
The Enquirer says that Tiger and Raychel began making out within sight of his house while Elin was home. They then had sex in a private office Tiger keeps nearby.
And, staying true to his pattern with other women, Tiger texted Raychel repeatedly after their tryst. But, according to the report, she felt guilty about having sex with a married man and never got back together with him.

You know, this comes as a SHOCK considering he’s such a DEVOTED husband and upstanding ROLE model for today’s troubled youth.

 

05
Apr
10

quiet on the green b*tches.

Imagine watching 34807 whores climbing over each other’s Wet Seal clad asses while using their cheap acrylics to claw each other’s eyes out in order to get a good spot in front of the cameras.

No, no no, shame on you. The Kardashian sisters do NOT wear Wet Seal.

But this is what you can expect during the Masters. Which is another reason why Elin Nordgren couldn’t be bothered to show up, with the main reason being of course that she doesn’t trust herself with all those golf clubs sitting around.

Via HollywoodLife,

“She did not even say goodbye to Tiger,” one insider told RadarOnline.
Could Elin’s absence have anything to do with the fact that several of Tiger’s ‘kittens’ (aka mistresses) like Joslyn James and Jaimee Grubbs are meant to show at the tourney? The Sunday Mail reported that the 34-year-old golf pro was so worried that he hired an additional 90 members of security to the 200 already stationed on the green.”

Gee thanks extra security.

Watching some chick rub up on a golf club while winking in Tiger’s direction would have made it a whole lot easier to sit through a game of golf.

God.

*Those stains on his shirt aren’t really helping him out any.

 

 

01
Apr
10

haha i f*cking hate jews! haha just kidding!

Oh Jesse James.

You CAD you.

Apparently Jesse James’ well paid lawyer is LAUGHING off the photo of him acting Nazi and sh*t.

Via CNN,

The hat may have been in poor taste, but it was given to James as a gag gift by his Jewish godfather, attorney Joe Yanny said.
Possessing Nazi memorabilia does not make someone a neo-Nazi, he said.
As evidence that James is no anti-Semite, Yanny said James lived for nearly a month in an Israeli kibbutz.”

On the other side of town, Elin Nordegren is whacking Tiger Woods is whacking himself with a golf club for not hiring this guy first.

Doi!




Who you callin a TWIT?

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