Posts Tagged ‘WTF

10
Jun
10

of course they did.

Lindsay Lohan’s trying to fool us into thinking she doesn’t have a HUGE f*cking book of utterly nonsensical excuses as to why she can’t just be a normal human being.

Her latest scheme?

She got her oh so wise Mother to try and cover for her. Lindsay c’mon. You might not be able to read real people books, but I’m sure you can understand your own cryptic writing.

“Cat. Pee. Tell I wasn’t really me. Twin evil sister. Kidnap. Gogglie Goo.”

“Hehehe this’ll fool em.”

Via The New York Post,

“[Lindsay] was at the MTV Awards and somebody spilled a drink on her leg, which must have set off the SCRAM bracelet. She has done absolutely nothing wrong and shouldn’t have to wear the bracelet in the first place. She is doing absolutely fine.”

God. I could have used her as a Mom for parts of my life that I’m now not too proud to admit. Oh you drove while drunk and crashed into a mailbox honey? No, no, no, wipe those tears away, it was that f*cking mailbox’s fault. We’ll get him!”

Actually….no. Nevermind. I love you Mom.

09
Jun
10

congratulations on graduating from beekeeping school.

This is what Lady Gaga wore to her younger sister’s graduation:

This poor b*tch. Not Gaga. Her sister.

After all those years of furthering her education and all that hard work, everyone takes one look at your sister and you turn into “that f*cking weird chick with the freak sister whose not sure whether to sit or stand when she pees.” 

All those accomplishements go down the sh*tter. And now people think you’re Satan.

And my sister complained about the color of lipstick I wore to her ceremony. What now b*tch?!

09
Jun
10

THIS PICTURE IS MISSING A LITTLE SOMETHING…?

This is Aisha Tyler:

 

This is Aisha Tyler at last nights Logo NewNowNext Awards:

You know that saying…”you’re so ugly you scared your eyebrows off your face,” or whatever…?

Well, I’m just sayin’.

09
Jun
10

i feel ya. this happens to me all the time.

So Kanye West had his Porsche Panamera Turbo stolen while vacationing in Hawaii.

It’s $133 000, which is HUGE to all you common folk. But to me and Kayne…ain’t no thang but a chicken wang.

Via The New York Times,

“Neighbors reported hearing a “tremendous” crash and seeing three men running from the wrecked sports car.

“I walked over to see if anyone was dead or people in the car because I could smell liquids and I could hear them draining and no one was there,” said neighbor Chris Cooper.

West is in Hawaii recording a new album, but sources told AllHipHop News the rapper was traveling when the high-performance car crashed through the garage of the house early Saturday morning. Local TV stations reported West left his ride in the care of a cousin – and that it was reported stolen shortly before the wreck.”

F*cking cousin hey?

If this happened to go down in Surrey there would be no mention of any “cousin.”

Because he’d be six feet under already.

“Cousin? Now what now?”

 

09
Jun
10

picture of the day.

At least she burned a couple calories dragging the chair into the lineup.

If that’s not enough reason for a extra thick milkshake on the side I don’t know what is.

09
Jun
10

my lonliness is kiiiiillllinngggg meeeee…

Britney Spears apparently thinks that she can feed and bathe herself these days. Which is why one of her bodyguards QUIT that b*tch.

Actually it’s because she forced him upon her privates but I like the former because it was funnier.

Via The Sun,

“She was always giving him the come on and he felt if he didn’t reciprocate he could lose his job. He finally handed in his notice last week and is considering legal action.
“She runs round the house naked and yelling at staff. All her guards knew they could be removed if they looked at her the wrong way. Unfortunately for Fernando, she took a liking to him, so he was under more pressure than most. He wanted to be a good security guard and look after her but the situation became unbearable.”
The last straw came when Britney’s dad JAMIE – who is in legal control of her and can hire and fire staff – kicked off after she left her Los Angeles home without underwear.
“Jamie went mental when he saw the pictures and Fernando was made the fall guy. He was not fired but told he was to blame. He had had enough.”

Being forced to look at Britney Spears’ naked body shouldn’t be cause for change of employment. Can you imagine what Lady Gaga’s bodyguards have to go through??

“C’mere Benson. They’re starting to show again. It’s all about the way you tuck. Detail, detail, detail. What do I pay you goons for?!”

09
Jun
10

THIS DUDE MUST STILL LIVE WITH HIS MOTHER.

First an actual GUY takes Snooki home, now someone’s STALKING Kristen Stewart?!

What the f*ck are people smoking on these days?

Via The Chicago Sun Times,

“People close to “Twilight” star Kristen Stewart are concerned she is not taking seriously enough a stalker who has been sending disturbing letters and showing up at events — apparently even at her home. 

A longtime Hollywood honcho, who has worked with Stewart, says the young actress is telling people around her she refuses to be intimidated. “She insists that no crazy ‘will keep me from living my own life,'” said the source, who understands that point of view.

“But this isn’t like the paparazzi — who Kristen understandably hates because they are so intrusive. These people can be dangerous.”

Apparently, Stewart — along with the rest of the young “Twilight” stars, particularly Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner — are bugged by many, many “Twilight” vampire-obsessed fans. The Stewart friend refers to them as “real nuts … scary kooks. … These people are far more serious than the merely annoying paparazzi.”

Ummm if I were the perverted (and clearly mentally disturbed) guy, I’d go makeout with one of the boy mannequins at Old Navy. It’s pretty much the same thing, minus the awkward scratching.

http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/9200000/Kristen-Stewart-making-weird-faces-GIF-image-critical-analysis-of-twilight-9268232-250-188.gif




Who you callin a TWIT?

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