Posts Tagged ‘Paris Hilton



Paris Hilton at the airport before jetting off to Brazil.

I can’t think of a better candidate for those pants.

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oh c’mon. i’m running out of herpes jokes here…

What do you get when you put Paris Hilton and Snooki side by side…?

An insider’s access to STD medication.

Hyuck. Hyuck.

Via US Magazine,

“I was just giving her advice,” she said. “I just told her to remain the same sweet girl [she is] and not let anything affect her; be strong and don’t pay attention to bad press. People can say mean things about you, but you should know who you are and not pay attention to it.” If she comes back to LA, will Hilton show her the club ropes?
“Definitely!” she told Us.”

It only makes sense for Snooki to have Paris show her the ropes. “The ropes” being the best way to cushion your knees when giving a blowj*b & tips on how to stay sexually active during a flare up of course.

Anyways, besides that, I think Paris’ adoration for all things small and furry clouded her vision. She probably thought Snooki was an overweight Chihuahua and ended the night trying to stuff her into her Louis Vuitton.

Snooki probably gave a sh*t.

“Weee. I’ve never seen the inside of a real designer bag before!” This don’t smell like noodles!’

“I wonder if she’s got food in here.”



as much as i hate him…

If I were a dude, I’d be pretty f*cking jealous.

After I high fived him a couple times and sent him a basket full of condoms that is.

Via TMZ,

Doug Reinhardt, aka Paris Hilton’s ex-boyfriend, aka heir to the frozen burrito fortune, has left Hiltie in the dust — cause he’s datin’ Miss World USA.

We’ve learned Doug has been spending “every night” for the past few weeks with Lane Lindell — a beauty queen who’s even getting a college education at the University of Georgia.

Paris will probably say, “She’s so 2008.”  And that’s true.  Miss World USA 2008.”

Man, Paris can brown herself to a crisp, dress herself in the skankiest designer threads, but the only way she’ll earn a crown is if it’s for the Most Demure Sl*t of the Century.

Not that this chick’s a saint or anything. She was a former Miss USA after all, so I guess her and Paris do have ONE thing in common.

All together now…




Doug Reinhardt (AKA Paris Hilton’s ex and all around Starf*cker) with his new piece in El Lay

I got $200 saying they just left the clinic.

Whose in?

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uh, you’re welcome…?


Just what any soldier home from the army lines wanted to welcome him back.

Paris Hilton with open legs arms. At least she got her shots this morning.

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In all honesty this should be a joyous time, leave it to her to make them wish they didn’t make it home all that safely.

I mean check out the dude on the left.

This guy isn’t taking any chances. Sure you catch things by having sex and all that, but b*tch is standing like 1 ft. away. Covering up his crotch with his hands is the least he can do.



doug reinhardt still has herpes. miss usa doesn’t.

So rumors were going around that Paris Hilton’s ex b*tch, Doug Reinhardt was boning Miss USA (former and current)…

Hooters must have been closed for renos or something.

Via E!News,

Not only is he not dating the current Miss USA, but it looks like Doug Reinhardt isn’t dating 2009 Miss USA Kristen Dalton, either. Dalton tells E! she has never been romantically involved with Reinhardt and their contact was purely for business purposes.
“Doug and I were only talking professionally,” says Dalton. “I am with Reid [Rosenthal] and we are very serious about each other.”

Dalton’s a liar.

Doug fled after realizing she didn’t have a cupboard full of Herpes medication for his taking.

You know, because plucking Brody Jenner’s eyebrow hair doesn’t really count as a job.


paris’ last thought before passing out drunk…

“I hope I’m wearing panties tonight.” “I’ll just tell him my purse was too small to carry a condom.”

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the scent of a…

Here’s the ad for Paris Hilton’s 3545th perfume embodying some type of skank hoe persona…

Via PEOPLE magazine,

“I got to dress up like my idol Marilyn Monroe, and we ended up with some great photos. She’s always been such an inspiration to me . . . Tease is a really sweet and flirty scent, so the name is very fitting. It’s playful and sexy-perfect for grabbing attention.”

Paris seems to be missing the key ingredients for grabbing attention.

Going commando and having sex on camera.

I wonder what they’d call that one.

Oh right.




paris likes to suck on foreign objects…

Poor P.

She probably had no idea that her cigarette was laced with marijuana.

How did that happen??

What are drugs??

Via the National Enquirer,

Paris Hilton was seen puffing a funny-smelling cigarette at Drai’s Hollywood nightclub on April 28. The socialite was all smiles in her cloud of smoke until she spotted a fellow clubgoer filming her with a camera phone. Oops.”

Call me crazy, but I could have sworn she always smiles when caught on tape.

Yup, yup, when she was being banged into that wall, through all the grittiness, I knew I saw a smirk.



my name is like, paris. bend over.

So Paris Hilton is boning Mark Salling from Glee.

He must want one last meaningless fling before he throws himself off a building or something.

Or maybe he already has herpes, and banging her would be like a hopeless fat person giving up and eating themselves to an early death.

Via the National Enquirer,

Paris Hilton wasted no time after splitting with baseball player Doug Reinhardt — the hotel heiress jumped right into a rebound romance with hunky “Glee” star Mark Salling. The two met several months ago and had chatted by email many times. But as soon as Doug was out of the picture, Paris invited Mark to a candlelit gourmet dinner at her home, said Paris’ close friend. “Paris says not only is Mark gorgeous, but unlike Doug, who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he’s an up-by-the bootstraps kind of guy who made his own fame and fortune . . . Mark has agreed to help Paris land a guest spot on Glee.”

See my suicide theory has to be correct.

The only person who would AGREE to do anything with Paris is someone who holds no value on life.

There’s no other explanation.


Who you callin a TWIT?

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July 2020