should have used your inhaler first…

I’ll admit that I’m pretty slow sometimes, but even I could figure out that practically growing up in the Playboy Mansion would guarantee anyone, even the Monday cleaning lady to come out with a sex tape sometime during their life…

My “I’m slow, but sometimes dumb” point has now been proven:

Via Radar,

[Kendra Wilkinson’s] lawyer Yael E. Holtkamp – from powerhouse firm Lavely and Singer in Los Angeles – has asked porn giants Vivid Entertainment to ‘cease and desist’ with releasing the video which could highly embarrass the married reality TV star.

Their scathing letter to Vivid reads: “The video is private and highly confidential taken for private use and not for public disclosure. Any exploitation of the video would be a gross violation of Miss Wilkinson’s constitutional and common law rights of privacy.”

Sources have revealed that Wilkinson knew about the video but that she made it with a man she trusted and never thought that it would be released to the public. She is unsure who sold the steamy footage to Vivid…

CEO of Vivid Steve Hirsch does not look like he’s backing-down in the aftermath of receiving the legal warning from Wilkinson’s lawyers.

He said: “After reviewing our legal position we remain confident of our right to distribute the video. Thus Vivid.Com plans to release Kendra Exposed within the next several weeks.”

Hey, this isn’t a bad thing. I mean, Hank must feel pretty good about his libido after watching his wife try and revive an 84 year old p*nis when Hef passes out after realizing that he actually has to move his body to have sex.

*Update:

Here’s Vivid’s statement regarding the tape:

‘We know that Kendra has millions of fans and we feel that it’s rare to find well-produced, hardcore footage of a star of her magnitude. The tape was brought to us by a third party and after consulting with our attorneys, we are confident in our right to distribute it. We’ve been trying to reach Kendra but have so far been unsuccessful. We therefore made the decision to release ‘Kendra Exposed’ to stores across the country by the end of May,’ said Steven Hirsch, founder/co-chairman of Vivid. “We believe this could be our all time best selling celebrity tape.”

 

“Kendra Exposed” will be distributed under the Vivid-Celeb imprint and Kendra will joining such celebrities as Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, Kim Kardashian and Ray J, former Miss USA Kelli McCarty, Shauna Sand and others whose sex tapes have also been released by Vivid.

The explicit tape was made before she was engaged to and then married Philadelphia Eagles receiver Hank Baskett. The name of her sex partner in the video, that was shot prior to her moving into the Playboy mansion, has not been revealed.”

I stopped reading after “star of her magnitude”

If getting a pair of fake t*ts and posing naked 4 times can get you into that category, then I give up on school.

And Heidi Montag should defintely go ahead with that surgery.

now what could they have been doing…?

Paris & Nicky Hilton are just SO CLOSE that they even use the toilet together.Sisters for life.

Yay.

Via the National Inquirer,

At Bar 210 [on April 21] were Paris and Nicky Hilton. Paris and a Nicky skipped ahead of everyone waiting for the bathroom, then slipped into the same stall. The pair were heard giggling as they flushed the toilet multiple times. When they emerged, they spent a good five minutes in front of the mirror fixing their faces.

Okay, now I know that Paris doesn’t need a hand in taking off her pants, so that rules that out.

I also know that these two don’t do drugs, because they always have to be alert for shopping trips, and pedicures and such, so that rules that out.

You know, they must have been sharing secrets in there. It’s just too CUTE how close and loving they are  with each other. Nice to see such innocent relationships in Hollywood.

What you have is precious girls, don’t ever change.

 

 

 

 

david boreanaz likes to bone.

Haha. Get it? Cuz he’s on the show, “Bones.”

Yeah anyways,

Via TMZ,

We’re told Boreanaz had a short-term relationship with the woman — one source says they hooked up “2 or 3 times.”  Sources say he started paying her money — several thousand dollars here and there — but she began demanding more, threatening to go public with the affair.  Boreanaz then confessed the affair to Jaime Bergman, his wife of 9 years.

Enter Gloria Allred, who reps the mistress.  Allred contacted Boreanaz’s lawyer — legal pit bull Marty Singer — and demanded 6 figures.

Boreanaz then blunted the attack by going public with his affair.  He has refused to pay the mistress another cent.

Oh his poor wife. She’s an ex Playmate btw.

I think she should seek revenge by doing what any self respecting woman with a vendetta should do.

Take her clothes off.

Again.

 

wanna see chelsea’s coslopus?

Don’t know what a COSLOPUS is?

If you wanna save the $30 on her Chelsea Handler’s new book (which I suggest you DON’T) you can pass and watch her ALLEGED sex tape instead….

And the best part is, that it’s probably pretty much the same.

Via RadarOnline,

“The tape, which was made nearly a decade ago after Chelsea moved to Los Angeles starts out with Chelsea turning on the camera in what appears to be her apartment. During the first part of the tape, Chelsea is fully clothed in her work uniform. She begins by introducing herself by name before going into a stand-up routine before suddenly cutting to Chelsea and her male partner engaging in an explicit sex act.

 

Chelsea, who is on all fours on a bed is naked and at several times during the filming she looks directly at the camera. Her breasts are bare and swinging during the sex act. At the end of the “performance”, Chelsea’s partner speaks in a clear British accent, asking, “Did we get the (bleep) shot?” Chelsea looks into the camera and smiles at this point. Then the tape immediately cuts back into Chelsea continuing her stand-up routine in her apartment.

I’m disappointed in that sypnosis actually.

A sex tape is NOT a sex tape without midgets. So where’s Chuy in all this?

Anyways, Chelsea says it was all done for part of her comedy skit way back when in the 90’s. I agree that it’s comedy so sex tape or no sex tape, she’s tellin the truth.

Anyways, because I couldn’t find the clip of her addressing the RUMORS,  here she is talking to her nugget Chuy…

Just Because.

heidi montag is a crackhead.

Okay, she’s not, but she’s addicted to PAINKILLERS, and picturing a crackhead with boobs the size of 2 grocery bags filled with pork rinds is amusing to me…

Via InTouch,

“She isn’t all there when you speak to her.” According to a medical source, doctors would have prescribed painkillers such as Demerol, Vicodin and Percocet to Heidi after she had 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day in November. “She said she was in so much pain — at times it was unbearable,” the pal says. “She had to keep taking pills, or else it would have been too hard to handle.”
But some friends worry that she continued to take drugs long after the pain went away. And they think the pills may be responsible for the Hills star’s bizarre behavior.

Call me crazy but this b*tch was pretty GONE even before her transformation. I actually figured she did this to match the size of her brain. I mean Barbie’s kinda small, sure she was a surgeon, nurse, officer of the peace, and a nun, but she had a small brain nonetheless.

Heidi’s decision to downgrade herself to match the size of her brain might have been the most considerate thing she’s done in her lifetime.

“See mama, Heidi did a good.

“A what honey?”

“A good.”

“Sorry what?”

“Mama, my jaw is locked real tight remember.”

 

breaking news: doug reinhardt has $2 million dollars.

What the f*ck?

Okay well, he HAD.

Which explains why he’s out boning Hooters waitresses who claim that they’re diploma from DeVry makes them “like totally intilgent, and not like the other dumb b*tches with fake t*ts. Intilgent? That’s how you like spell that word right?”

Via RadarOnline,

“Doug never used Paris. He spent 2 million dollars on her over the course of a year and a half,” a source revealed to RadarOnline.com. “She never once paid for a single  thing.”

During the course of their relationship they had been to Fiji, Hawaii, Aspen and Anguilla among other places.

“Between flying private, private islands, etc… in reality he paid for everything!”

Doug was also known to lavish her with gifts including a baby teacup Pomeranian, Chanel watch, and custom-made diamond jewelry.”

Wait, wait, wait, so lemme get this straight.

Doug Reinhardt PAID $2 million dollars to have the doctor ask him where it burns the most.

Dude, that…sucks.

stuff that’s releveant but that i can’t be bothered to post.

Katy Perry shows off her work at the gym:

http://www.hollywoodtuna.com/

Tori Spelling already looks stupid, she does NOT need to open her mouth:

http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/Tori-Spelling-Lands-Daytime-Talk-Show.html

Michelle “Bombshell” is begging to get her tattooed ass kicked:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/22/michelle-bombshell-mcgee_n_548358.html

Kristin Stewart is WANTED more than Angelina Jolie:

http://socialitelife.celebuzz.com/archive/2010/04/22/kristen_stewart_to_replace_angelina_jolie.php

Audrina Patridge got naked once. Still has ceiling eyes:

http://cityrag.com/2010/04/audrina-patridge-naked-and-exposed/

George Clooney might have found the bar hostess of his dreams:

http://www.dlisted.com/node/36970

 

status update: like, totally single.

Sooo….you know how everyone thought that it was OBVIOUSLY Paris who used her big foot to kick boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt to the curb?

Well, no.

Via RadarOnline,

Sources close to the former couple tell RadarOnline.com that Reinhardt couldn’t handle the hotel heiresses’ meddling ways. According to our insider, “Paris was constantly checking Doug’s cell phone, and monitoring who he was talking to. Doug never gave her any reason to make her question him, she is just extremely insecure.”

Really? Someone with an in – home tanning machine, caked on makeup and countless wardrobe changes is insecure?

Don’t believe it.

Neither does Paris,

Via US magazine,

 “I am like so past that — I don’t even care!” 

“I don’t even remember that time in my life, I am over it! “I just realized that I’m better off without him. So I ended it because I deserve something much better! He wasn’t right for me and I will eventually find somebody who loves me for who I am. I am having so much fun. A lot of guys have obviously hit on me and I am getting thousands of calls, but I’m not ready to be with anyone.”

Kind of reminds me of one of those Facebook status updates of scorned b*tches.

“Going to the club, gonna get crunkkked tonight. Watch out boys, I’m wearing a miniskirt.”

or

“So busy, so many people to do, so many places to go. I have to like, delete my friends list, OMG, WTF, soooo many Friend Requests!”

When really, the only thing they’re getting into that night is a pair of flannel pyjamas and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

Anyways, this can only be a GOOD thing for Paris. She has to learn to keep her underwear on for a day. Then, maybe at  least there’ll be no confusion when Tinkerbell falls sick at the vet.

We all know how she loves to help rescue the animals.

 

 

f*ck you heidi.

Apparently Kate Hudson got IMPLANTS last week.

I don’t know if Heidi Montag has SKEWED my version of implants ever since she got those small heads attached to her chest, but I don’t see anything, not that I feel like a pervert for dissecting someone’s rack or anything.

My guess is that she wanted people to talk about something other than the fact her Mom sometimes looks hotter than she does.

nik richie marries a -10.

Of all the chicks this guy hates on (because we all know he’s for the Gays) he ends up getting sh*tfaced and marrying the prizewinning, Shayne Lamas in Vegas over the weekend.

All I have to say is he might as well be sticking it to a turtle, because this b*tch has no neck.

Via TooFab,

Last night, Lorenzo‘s daughter tied the knot with Nik Richie from TheDirty.com at the infamous Little White Wedding Chapel — the same spot where Britney had her quickly-annulled wedding to Jason Alexander back in 2004.

Right after taking the plunge, we’re told the two “honeymooned” at Vanity nightclub at the Hard Rock Hotel.

Hopefully these two will make it longer than 55 hours.

I don’t believe this stunt whatsoever. The only girl Nik Richie could ever actually get with is the kind that either come with an air pump, or the ones you order from ArabPrincessesRUs.*

Also, Osama’s sad, he wants his son back.

*Nik, so so sorry for calling you a terrorist and a gay. Not that I have any disrespect for gays, and people who look like terrorists, but you have to admit it was kinda funny although, I just really don’t want to end up on your site. Those pictures of me in Vegas 2 years ago have long been burned. There’s nothing you have on me. Please God, forgive me Nik. You’re my hero, my savior, my everything, I’d show you my +2’s. DA Strong what.

**Not.