damn. why didn’t i think of that…?!

Here’s an excerpt from Jesse James’ interview with Nightline…

or as Tiger Woods would call it, “fuuuuuuuuu*k, why couldn’t come up with that?!?!”

Via PEOPLE,

“I was a terrorized kid,” James, 41, said about beatings he received from his father. “I was petrified of my dad … It wasn’t so much getting the sh– beat out of me or getting my arm broken or getting kicked or whatever or punched, it was the in-between time. It was the fear of that happening again.”
As a result of his lack of self-worth, he said, “I grew up with a huge amount of shame and fear and abandonment on my shoulders from a very young age, and I think, you know, the way my mind rationalized [cheating], ‘Well, you know, I might as well do whatever I can to like run her off, ’cause she is going to find out what I am anyway and leave me anyway.'”

Ohhhh okay.

So all those times my Mom patted my ass with a wooden spoon cancels out that time I slept with that chick’s boyfriend…right? Riiiight…?!

Ok. Ok. BoyfriendS.

 

forgive me for this one…

Rachel Uchitel (one of the first hoes that Tiger Woods drove his club through) is saying stuff about David Boreanaz, because David Boreanaz cheated on his wife.

This b*tch’ll be opening her trap everytime some random celeb is caught cheating. She’s like the Yoda of whores.

Via TMZ,

“David Boreanaz is not part of my life, nor will he be. I am not in communication with him and do not wish to be.
“I have made no claims against him and do not plan to assert any. Any statements to the contrary are false and I hope that this statement will finally end any speculation about this issue.
“I am looking forward to a life that is not filled with scandal, rumor, innuendo or false statements about me. I will not have any further comment regarding David Boreanaz.”

My nips hard money makes.  Hmmmmmm.

 

 

david boreanaz likes to bone.

Haha. Get it? Cuz he’s on the show, “Bones.”

Yeah anyways,

Via TMZ,

We’re told Boreanaz had a short-term relationship with the woman — one source says they hooked up “2 or 3 times.”  Sources say he started paying her money — several thousand dollars here and there — but she began demanding more, threatening to go public with the affair.  Boreanaz then confessed the affair to Jaime Bergman, his wife of 9 years.

Enter Gloria Allred, who reps the mistress.  Allred contacted Boreanaz’s lawyer — legal pit bull Marty Singer — and demanded 6 figures.

Boreanaz then blunted the attack by going public with his affair.  He has refused to pay the mistress another cent.

Oh his poor wife. She’s an ex Playmate btw.

I think she should seek revenge by doing what any self respecting woman with a vendetta should do.

Take her clothes off.

Again.

 

finally. a job that pays.

I know way too many people hounding around for JOBS right now. So during my tiresome research for those who require employment that doesn’t require asking “did you want to Supersize your meal?” I’ve finally found something worth going for…

BEHOLD,

Via PEOPLE,

“Jesse James’s alleged mistress, Michelle “Bombshell” McGee . . . is scheduled to sign autographs, pose for photos and dance topless at Vegas’s Deja Vu Showgirls club on April 23. McGee’s payment by the club, in addition to tips she might receive, will be $5,000 – money that Beard expects to recoup and then some, given her notoriety as “the other woman.”

“We’re just cashing in on her celebrity right now,” Deju Vu advertising and marketing director Larry Beard tells People. “There’s actually a group of tattoo enthusiasts that are all going to show up. I’m getting a lot of response for it. It should be a pretty big event. She’s a dancer. This is right down her alley.”

This is great for our future generations. God, teens have it so easy these days. Might as well skip History and watch strippers at the local joint, they’re going to need to learn some tips & tricks, especially when the Nazi mistress gig has already been done.

And you all thought that there was no HOPE.

that’s it. christmas is ruined.

Way to go Charlie Sheen. First, you go and threaten to kill the b*tch on Christmas, and now you cheat on her ass in your own bed.

I would have forgiven you for the death threats, because Christmas is the one thing I hold most sacred (other than my Birthday of course) but no amount of Caroling can make me forget this kind of sh*t.*

Via RadarOnline,

The Two and a Half Men star has been busted cheating, with photographs surfacing of him wearing a ridiculous fake moustache disguise while meeting Angelina.
RadarOnline.com learned exclusively that he met Angelina through an escort Web site and then began seeing her repeatedly.
After a while he took her back to the house when Brooke wasn’t there. “That was very, very recently,” said the source.

You know, if he doesn’t use the “Honey, I was shooting scenes for the 349th episode where I hook up with a prostitute” excuse he has then OFFICIALLY disappointed me.

*Yes, I know Charlie Sheen is NOT my husband, but I f*cking love him on Two & A Half men. Even if he threatened to kill me, I’d know he just wanted to spice up the sex life.

gimme 20 dollars b*tch.

Michelle Bombshelter McGee apologized to Sandra Bullock PUBLICLY in a recent interview with Australia’s TodayTonight.

It’s easy to say SORRY when you can wipe your tears of guilt away with a fat stack of bills.

Just think of all the sh*t she can BUY from here: http://www.wwii-collectibles.com/index.html

Jackpot!

“I do feel guilty. I feed bad for Sandra. Wait, she doesn’t have any Jewish blood in her, right?” I’m sorry for your embarrassment. I’m sorry all this is public. I’m sorry for everything. She must be hurt, devastated, upset, embarrassed. I want to give her a heartfelt apology. I’m sorry for her embarrassment and pain. I do feel really bad about it. I feel like I was duped just as much as Sandra was. I feel like I was lied to just as much as she was. If Jesse was upfront with me in the beginning, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

Again, FAT.STACK.OF.BILLS.

 

 

i’m not a nazi. i just f*ck a lot.

So Michelle “Bombshell” McGee is DISPUTING claims that she’s a NAZI.

She just likes to dress up as one when she’s f*cking other women’s husbands that’s all.

Lay off a b*tch.

Via TMZ,

According to the unsworn declaration, Bombshell says, “I do NOT have a swastika tattoo on me.” FYI, we’ve seen a swastika tattoo so close to her genital area we can’t show it … but it looks just like the one from “Inglourious Basterds.”
Bombshell also says, “I do NOT show my children how to ‘Nazi salute.'”
Now here’s where it gets really good. Bombshell says:
– “I do NOT do any pornography in my house.”
– “I do NOT do any webcam ‘sessions’ from my home with my children present.”

“I do NOT do any pornography in my house.”
– “I do NOT do any webcam ‘sessions’ from my home with my children present.“

How sweet. I guess she waits until the KIDS go over to Grandma’s to get the cameras setup in the BACKYARD.

jesse james had sex with a cat.

Im actually kidding but would that be any bit of a SHOCK to anyone??

Anyways, he’s DENYING the existence of those Nazi plagued sex tapes.

“The claims of sex tapes are untrue and completely fabricated,” says a rep for James in an exclusive statement to PEOPLE

Ya you’re still made your wife foot your ESCORT bill you idiot.

There’s no way God’s giving back your ticket to Heaven, even if you promised you wouldn’t try boning the Angels.

 

charge it.

Just when you thought Jesse James REALLY couldnt’ get any more douchier, this little nugget of news is revealed…

Via IUC,

“Very thoughtful of Jess James to use his wife’s credit card to pay for a high priced call girl while Sandra was away filming Blind Side. IUC has learned that a top call girl from Ohio named “Sammy” who now resides in Orange County collected tens of thousands from James (much of it charged to Sandra’s CC) over a 15 month period. According to a source close to James drugs, threesomes and lots of role playing took place.”

Sh*t.

I’m just confused as to how she didn’t know of this any sooner than 15 months?!

Gucci, American Airlines, Starbucks, Christian Louboutin, The OC Hookers, Prada…

Really. Nothing seemed to catch her eye?

Regardless of his next move, nothing ceases to amaze me. Even if he’s caught trying to f*ck her Oscar.

Nothing.

 

just wanted to borrow a pinch of sugar.

You knowwww.

Sugarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

*wink wink*

RadarOnline is reporting that Tiger Woods boned his 21 year old neighbor.

 Coudriet is now 22 and recently confronted Tiger when all his mistresses were revealed because she was furious that she was just another conquest, according to the new issue of the National Enquirer.
The Enquirer says that Tiger and Raychel began making out within sight of his house while Elin was home. They then had sex in a private office Tiger keeps nearby.
And, staying true to his pattern with other women, Tiger texted Raychel repeatedly after their tryst. But, according to the report, she felt guilty about having sex with a married man and never got back together with him.

You know, this comes as a SHOCK considering he’s such a DEVOTED husband and upstanding ROLE model for today’s troubled youth.