you’ll need a lot more than a cigarette…

Charlie Sheen is worried that he won’t be able to light up while in the slammer for his short stint for showing his wife how much he loves her with his backhand.

What he SHOULD  be worried about is how he’s going to save his a**hole from getting lit up…

Via US Weekly,

…a source tells Us [Charlie’s] most worried about being able to smoke behind bars. The actor’s criminal defense attorney, Richard Cummins, has been asking local law enforcement if they’d be willing to make an exception to the jail’s no-smoking policy. Authorities say they aren’t likely to make an exception to the no-smoking rule, which has been in effect for 10 to 15 years. 

The Two and a Half Men star, 44, is likely to end up in Aspen’s Pitkin County Jail, which allows nicotine patches for inmates. Nicotine gum is not allowed to prevent gum from ruining the carpet. Us has learned that the Aspen County District Attorney has offered Sheen a plea deal that would put him behind bars for 45 days, but prosecutors would drop the felony charge in return for Sheen pleading guilty to a misdemeanor.

He should just man up and plead guilty. There’s gonna be a lot of depressed hookers around and Tiger Woods needs to focus on his A game.

 

f*ck books mom! hand me my golf shirt!

Man my parents were WRONG all along.

All this time I thought going to school and getting a proper education was the way to succeed in life.

How disappointing.

Via USA Today,

Ka-ching.

So much for Charlie Sheen’s dramatic farewell when he wrapped this last season of Two and a Half Men. Of course, he isn’t done with the show. He reached an agreement Monday night for two more years on the hit CBS sitcom.

And his paycheck? Variety reports it’s “nearly $2 million an episode.” He’s now the highest paid actor on TV.

“To put a fitting end on the 2 1/2 months of whirlwind speculation, I’m looking forward to returning to my CBS home on Monday nights,” Sheen, 44, said in a statement, adding his thanks to CBS Corp. Chief Executive Leslie Moonves for his support in cutting a new deal, reports AP.

Meanwhile, Sheen who went through rehab in February, has pleaded not guilty to charges stemming from a Christmas Day domestic violence incident in Aspen, Colo., involving his wife, Brooke Mueller Sheen. He faces a July 21 jury trial in Colorado.”

So wait, lemme get this straight.

Charlie Sheen can pork any b*tch he wants, piss in an empty beer can, chuck it at his wife, call her a c*nt and still wake up the next morning with a smile and a $2 million dollar paycheque.

Fuck going back to school when all it takes it throwing your morals out the window and acting like a 40 year old drunk bastard on national television.

Lindsay Lohan, you’re on the right track, just don’t die before CBS gives you that phonecall.

 

 

 

picture of the day.

Here’s Charlie Sheen in what looks like my Grandpa’s pyjamas…with his head shaved.

I had a great hair day today, nails were freshly painted and my outfit looked pretty cute. Until the LOVE of my f*cking life went out in public looking like he was on his way to film an ad for senior protection against leakage.

Today is a SAD day.

 

that’s it. christmas is ruined.

Way to go Charlie Sheen. First, you go and threaten to kill the b*tch on Christmas, and now you cheat on her ass in your own bed.

I would have forgiven you for the death threats, because Christmas is the one thing I hold most sacred (other than my Birthday of course) but no amount of Caroling can make me forget this kind of sh*t.*

Via RadarOnline,

The Two and a Half Men star has been busted cheating, with photographs surfacing of him wearing a ridiculous fake moustache disguise while meeting Angelina.
RadarOnline.com learned exclusively that he met Angelina through an escort Web site and then began seeing her repeatedly.
After a while he took her back to the house when Brooke wasn’t there. “That was very, very recently,” said the source.

You know, if he doesn’t use the “Honey, I was shooting scenes for the 349th episode where I hook up with a prostitute” excuse he has then OFFICIALLY disappointed me.

*Yes, I know Charlie Sheen is NOT my husband, but I f*cking love him on Two & A Half men. Even if he threatened to kill me, I’d know he just wanted to spice up the sex life.

you don’t say?

I doubt anything this couple does or says can surprise me anymore. The only thing that would RAISE some eyebrows is if someone uncovered their love for knitting cozies together by the fire.

Now that they’re both convulsing in REHAB, some chick has come out from the WOODwork (no pun intended Tiger) to find a magazine trashy enough to sell her story to.

A “source” says, “Brooke is bisexual. She and Charlie have had more than one woman share their bed in the short time they’ve been married. Some of the women they slept with together also did drugs with them.”

In other words, it was just another Sunday afternoon.

Moving right along folks…

 

 

 

Oh that Bertha. What a cad.

I hardly miss an episode of Two And A Half Men, no matter how many times Charlie Sheen lands himself in the drunk tank or gets accused for beating up his girlfriend.

That guy is obviously getting what’s coming to him, but Jon Cryer? Leave him the f*ck alone. The only wrong he’s ever done is not match is pyjamas to his slippers.

So when he was CLAIMING that his carazy ex wife was trying to kill him he wasn’t f*cking around…

TMZ reports:

“According to documents filed in the custody battle between Cryer and ex-wife Sarah Trigger, Trigger’s lawyer claims on December 21, 2009, Trigger told her that her ex-boyfriend, Eddie Sanchez, had said he was going to kill Cryer and Trigger’s estranged husband, David Dickey.
Trigger’s lawyer became so alarmed she contacted lawyers for both Cryer and Dickey. On January 10, Dickey confronted Sanchez. According to legal docs, “Mr. Sanchez not only flatly denied making such a statement, but he said that it was [Sarah Trigger] who had contacted him on numerous occasions, stating that she wanted to see the pair [Cryer and Dickey] dead, and even asking Mr. Sanchez if he would kill the pair, or if he would not, inquiring whether she could speak with Mr. Sanchez’s father about this issue.”
According to Cryer’s declaration, he notified Warner Bros. security on January 15. Cryer also states his co-star requested that “we do not film in front of a live audience.” The documents do not ID the co-star but presumably it’s Charlie Sheen.”

Sh*t.

Needless to say the co star was Charlie Sheen. He was probably so f*cked up he had thought Denise Richards had finally come to get her revenge.

Now that’s a b*tch that would knife you in the gut and join the studio audience in laughing at Bertha’s sarcastic antics.

where’s jon cryer when you need him?

So Brooke Mueller is STILL a bit of a CRACKHEAD, and it’s being REPORTED that she’s hauling her ass into Rehab to deal with her “substance abuse” issue.

Via TMZ,

“As we first reported, Brooke had been drinking before she called 911 and that could affect her credibility.
Now we’ve learned Brooke checked into The Canyon rehab facility in Malibu last Tuesday — the day after Charlie’s arraignment on felony and misdemeanor charges. If Brooke struggled with substance abuse around the Christmas Day incident, it could severely impact her credibility.”

I’d think now is GOOD a time as any for Charlie to hand his kids off to someone who dosn’t brush his teeth with Jack.

charlie sheen calls himself out.

Way to SELF promote huh…

TMZ confirmed earlier today that Sheen was in an Aspen courtroom today facing ONE charge of felony & TWO misdemeanor charges of 3rd degree assault and criminal mischief.

The judge agreed to RELEASE the protective order that stopped the douche from contacting his wife after she called the PoPo on him on Christmas Day…

I’m still confused.

Where are the charges regarding his choice of outfit on Two And A Half Men?

 

brooke mueller has a disease.

And No.

It’s not what you think it is. I’m sure she made Charlie get weekly trips to the doctor for that…

Entertainment Tonight is saying that she’s trying to kick her COKE habit by checking into REHAB at a facility in North Carolina.

Last week she was hopitalized for pneumonia in El Lay. I’m sure her sniffing the WHITE stuff had nothing to do with that…

Her LAWYER is now saying that she’s NOT in rehab to CLEAN up, but to get over her pneumonia.

Really?

That’s like Tiger saying that he’s checked into sex REHAB for the 1000 count thread sheets (that he will later use to have sex with the nurse).

Brooke Mueller uses the ICU as a last resort…

Yeah, not really, but I wouldn’t expect him to FOLLOW in PURSUIT considering he’s a walking, talking, boning, disease just waiting for a doctor to get him on the table.

PEOPLE Magazine reports,

“Brooke is in the hospital ICU related to the surgery for her impacted wisdom tooth,” her lawyer Yale Galanter tells PEOPLE, “They are trying to get the infection and fever under control. The infection has spread.”

In other words, the “infection” being Charlie Sheen is on the loose and he’s comin out swangin’.

In other glorified white trash news, Mueller and Sheen are set to appear in Aspen court to face the music pertaining to his unexpected domestic voilence gift on Christmas Day.

Her lawyer says,

“Mueller wants to be able to communicate with her husband and hopes they can go back together as a family with their 9-month-old twins, Bob and Max.”

I’m guessing she enjoys taking part in violent sex.

Hope she has a SAFE word.