kim’s back in business.

And by business I literally mean BUSINESS.

Do you know how much she made on her LAST sex tape? Back then she was Paris Hilton’s personal bag holder. Just think of all the $$ she’ll rake in if she came out with one now. You know, because she’s famous and all.

Anyways, she was snapped out on a date in El Lay with some dude whose not Black and I dunno if I like her hooking up with someone whose not an athlete. I have high standards for her. (Minus all that sex tape stuff I mean).

Weird right?

He’s sub par. But at least he won’t blend into the background when the cameras are rolling.

Oh I joke. I loves my KK. I honestly think she’s trying to get back at the shots of Reggie out with that cleaning lady tramp of his. She’s a mastermind, she is.

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yes. this is right on the money.

…and she’s pregnant with a monkey. And she’s a dude. And her a** is fake.

Not only is OK! magazine claiming that the Bush and the Tush are back together, they’re also saying that Kim is trying to steal Khloe’s thunder planning a wedding.

Via Ok! Magazine,

“His mother does not want her son dating someone who has a sex tape out there.” said our source and added “He is such a mamma’s boy; he will never marry her because she would disown him. Our source tells us Reggie is very close to his mother and she never liked Kim the entire time they dated. “He respects his mother’s opinion and would take that into account before even his own feelings, so he will never marry Kim.”

“Kim is so caught up in the whole Hollywood thing, and that’s totally not Reggie’s scene,” said a source. “He’s a jock, he’s a ball player, that’s his career and his life, and he just feels that Kim doesn’t fit 100 percent into that.

“Kim is the one who is in love with Reggie,” she said, unfortunately Reggie doesn’t feel the same way. Reggie is most concerned about losing the Heisman Trophy because of a NCAA probe of USC’s football program. “His last concern is Kim Kardashian right now.”

Ouch.

You know, all I have to say about this is I – *BREAKING NEWS. BREAKING NEWS. Kim Kardashian releases new sex tape and 30 high def. glossies of her in a bathing suit. While balancing a cup on her a**.

Yeah. And that’s all I have to say about that.

whose behind the bush…?

So Reggie Bush was snapped trolling around with some chick that is SUPPOSEDLY Kim K’s replacement.

Pshht. B*tch please.

Kim would never be caught dead wearing something that doesn’t showcase her ass. And footballers would never be caught dead boning someone who wears as much clothes as this chick’s wearing.

She’s probably his cleaning lady.

Tramp.

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and NEW bikini pics of KK will be seen in 5,4,3,2…

Damn. Why couldn’t i have run out of tape?!

So in efforts to take the blame away from Saint, Reggie Bush, some gossip Queens are saying that it was the INFAMOUS Kim K/Ray J sex tape that broke up The Bush and The Tush… 

 

Because watching your girlfriend get plowed by her ex isn’t all that much of a turn on?? 

You don’t say? 

Via X17,

Reggie Bush ultimately dumped Kim Kardashian because of her 2007 sex tape with then-boyfriend Ray J, a source close to the couple tells X17online exclusively.

According to our source, “Reggie’s mom just could not get over the fact that Kim had a sex tape. Reggie and his family are very conservative, and he told Kim that a marriage is never going to happen between them because of the tape.” This is something that Kim’s family has known for years, especially sisters Khloe and Kourtney.

Well okay. Let’s look at the bright side in all this. If it wasn’t for that sex tape Kim Kardashian would barely be known for nothing other than her eyebrows.

 

And I wouldn’t have a purpose in life.

See.  

Let’s turn these negatives into positives people.
 
 

oh put a needle in it.

Really Demi Moore?*

Just because you have WRINKLES doesn’t mean that you’re WISER than everyone else.

That just means you’re surgeon needs to step his game up.

Anyways, I fully support my busty behinded chum Kimmy K in the following Twitter debacle:

 Kim: “Big pimpin w @SerenajWilliams @LaLaVazquez @Kelly_Rowland Love u girls!'”

Demi to Kim: Are you using the word “pimpin” as in pimping? RT @KimKardashian: Big pimpin w @SerenaJWilliams @LaLaVazquez  Kim to Demi: Doesn’t everyone? LOL

Demi to Kim: No disrespect I love a girls night out but a pimp and pimping is nothing more than a slave owner!

Kim to Demi: Nothing wrong with dancing to Big Pimpin’ by Jay Z in the club! Having a girls night out, gotta love that song!

Demi to Kim: Yeah but a pimp is nothing more than a slave owner! if we want to end slavery we need to stop glorifying the “pimp” culture

Demi to whoever was listening: Just so ya’ll are clear I like @KimKardashian I was just making a point about how we have used a word and desensitized the real meaning. Clearly I stirred up a s**t storm, but 2 create change U have 2 be willing 2 take a risk and be willing 2 provoke thought & conversation

Kim to Demi: Good point!I agree! It was just a song not literal”

Great.

Now that we can let Kim go back to making Reggie jealous, Demi can go back to scolding Ashton for picking his nose.

*Yes the above unflattering pictures were posted of Demi just to make her look worse than she actually does.

I’m a b*tch.

your daily sigh.

One of the bikini shots Kim K posted on Twitter this weekend in hopes of reminding her ex of what he’s missing out on.

Meanwhile Reggie Bush is trying not to bruise himself on the TP dispenser while boning some chick in a Hooters bathroom stall…

Sigh.

This is in NO way to be mistaken with “Your Daily Sigh.”

This is purely a SIGH of exasperation.

Kimmy must be pissed…that the chick Reggie is allegedly boning doesn’t even wear HD foundation.

Has he no standards?

And like, maybe she should pop some QuickTrim, because her like, thighs, look thunderous.

B*tch.

 

Elsewhere, in svelte people land…

NEW TUSH.

AND let the RUMORS begin…

RadarOnline is claiming that Reggie Bush was apparently burying his face in someone else’s buttcheeks while he was with Kimmy K…

Gessert reportedly spent the night at Reggie’s house on March 16th, after the two met at Sunset Strip bar-restaurant Red Rock. She was spotted leaving Reggie’s house the next morning at 7am.
Reggie has reportedly set up an elaborate system to hide his cheating from Kim – including the use of multiple cell phones, but the camera never lies, and Kim is bound to be left devastated and in tears following the release of these photos.

There’s been LOTS of speculations during their relationship that Reggie is boning a bunch of other chicks.

That’s great.

All Kim cares about is how she’s gonna look in all this.

Believe it or not she was probably hiding in the bushes with her mom videotaping it all go down.

This is a great business opportunity for a REALITY show pitch…which I’m sure has already been produced in the past, but not with this TWIST…

Reality STAR Kim Kardashian catches her BALLER boyfriend cheating on an array of women. She dusts off her Manolos, takes one look at the chick and all of a sudden a team of 10 hair & makeup artists jump in from the background, blow dryers and makeup brushes brandished. Fried hair and skimpy brows are a reflection of bad taste. Kim Kardashian does not revel in bad taste. It’s makeover time b*tches.

This is being pitched to Seacrest right at this very moment.

Nothing like applying a good face of makeup before it gets slapped off your face.

And all jokes aside, Reggie is a f*cker. I don’t get all these fools cheating on hot chicks.

Simply put, I hope he gets the clap.

 

 

 

snapped.

The KK’s show us b*tches how to REALLY deal with a breakup…

SINGLE AND READY TO JIGGLE…

I mean mingle.

E! News has just CONFIRMED rumors that Kimmy K and Reggie Bush have BROKEN up.

Reggie was spotted replacing Kimmy’s ass with 3 new ones when coming out of a restraunt this weekend, and when asked about the whereabouts of  his GIRLFRIEND he simply said he didn’t know.

Well duh, the photo ops for the Superbowl are over now.

Kidding KK.

Via E! News,

While Kim’s in South Beach shooting the second season of Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami for three weeks, Reggie’s been out and about on the NYC scene.
So what was the issue this time around?
Kim’s fame and crazy busy schedule have been an ongoing source of conflict for the couple, who reunited last August after a quick breakup.
Reggie always had trouble with the spotlight, our source tells us.

Who didn’t see this one coming? I mean did you actually think those bikini pics of Kim were her just being a girl eating strawberries and sippin champagne on a Sunday afternoon?

 

She was actually scoping out the next footBALLER who wouldn’t mind that she boned someone 4′ inches shorter, and about 50lbs lighter than her.

According to Baller Alert,

So yes..Reggie dumped Kim and has moved on to the NEXT chica until he got whiff that Kim moved on too. According to our sources Kim is seeing a soccer player and was spotted all around Miami with him. Reggie got word and was quite upset and flew to see her. You know how men are..they don’t want you but they don’t want anyone else to have you. I know Reggie ain’t think she couldn’t snag another baller quick.

The break-up wasn’t a publicity stunt it was REAL…but they will probably be back together soon if Reggie can’t take her moving on.

Anways, as much as I loved her and the Bush, she’s too busy shopping and primping and sh*t. I have a feeling she won’t land the next dude solely for her business sense.