i quit this b*tch.

Not permanently, but for the next 12 days you’re damn right I do.

I won’t disclose my travel destination, but you can bet your whole life that it’s a lot better than the hole in which I currently reside.

And I don’t actually live in a hole. It’s a metaphor. I can’t say the same for Lindsay Lohan, who probably crawls to bed at 7am at the bottom of a well. But that’s Lindsay Lohan.

Anyways, I’ll post today’s “A Day In The Life” because I know that’s all you b*tches care to look at anyway. Pathetic. Go stare at yourself in a mirror for 45 mintues. See how violated YOU feel.

You know how long it takes me to come up with material?! You know how long it takes me to think of something witty to say about Heidi Montag’s new face?!

Hahaha. 3.2 seconds out of my day. That’s how long. And it’s the best 3.2 seconds of my life.

Unless you coun’t that one dude…

F*ck. This is turning into a memoir, so I’m outta here.

While I’m on vacay basking in the glory of doing the exact opposite of what people generally do on vacation, I hope ya’ll don’t get too bent out of shape when Audrina Patridge actually leaves the house in something other than a bikini.

Or when our dear Lindsay finally caves in and saws off her ankle.

I can’t wait to come home to see pictures of her wearing that sh*t around her neck.

Now THAT’S a statement piece I wouldn’t mind purchasing.

so what’s all the fuss…??

So it took me like 8 minutes to figure out all the fuss about this picture.

Really, Lady Gaga can bend over and take a sh*t on a crowded plane and no one would notice, but a nip slip?

People would be all over it.

If she ever wants to cut down the slack she recieves on her outlandish outfits she should just stand next to a naked weiner.

Or take off her pants. Same thing.

 

snapped.

Lo Bosworth and Stephanie Pratt at the W hotel for the issue premier of Runway magazine.

Stick to the water ShePratt!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

YOUR DAILY KK.

KK at the annual Celebrity Skee Ball tournament at Dave & Busters in NYC.

Oh c’mon. What’s next? The annual Pancake Breakfast For Seniors Suffering From Irritable Bowel Symptoms?

*I love you Kim*

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

elle.ah.

Rihanna’s Elle’s cover girl for their new issue, and she looks absolutely on FIRE in each and every shot.

Or maybe it’s because she’s not wearing a ball gag and floss for underwear in these pictures. Must be nice to take the day off.

Here’s what she had to say in the accompanying interview:

On the striking artwork for her new album:
“I wanted pictures that represented strength and fearlessness but still femininity—a strong woman who can be vulnerable. Every woman is made up of vulnerability and strength; no matter what race you are, no matter what you’ve been through in your life. Every woman has that strength that is undeniable, but we also have really big hearts. It’s just us.”

On her new piece:
“I have a boyfriend. I’m so happy. I feel really comfortable, and it’s so easy. I have such a chaotic life, but at the end of the day, that is just my peace. It keeps me sane, really, talking to him and talking to my family.”

On turning her dream into a reality:
“If I were in Barbados still, I would be dreaming about this. I asked for it, and I love it, so why am I complaining? My first day on tour, I remember saying ‘I’m so tired—this is so much.’ Then I thought, What the f*ck? You asked for this—you prayed to God to tour like Madonna.”

On her fav. designers:

“It’s clear there are definitely fewer black women in the high-fashion industry. One of the things I respected most about Gucci was that they did a print campaign with me. I’m a black girl on a fashion spread for Gucci—that was a big deal. I respect designers who aren’t afraid to go outside the box. I went to a Jean Paul Gaultier show, and I saw girls who are thicker than me, beautiful and voluptuous and different ethnicities. That made me so excited. I thought, Okay, I can work that, for sure.”

On moving on from Chris Brown:
“A year ago, I was very confused. Because he was my best friend. All of a sudden, one night changed our whole lives—not only our friendship, but our lives. I wanted to wake up one day and just not have that pain anymore. I wanted to be with him again or get over him—it was either-or. I just didn’t want to feel the pain, the confusion.”

Oh and in case you noticed her looking a little less thicky thick and more skinny b*tch on the cover, Mariah’s magic makers the retouchers did shave off a few inches off her waist.

Did Nelly teach ya’ll nothing?

http://www.goldmic.com/video/Nelly-Thicky-Thick-Girl/23593

of course they did.

Lindsay Lohan’s trying to fool us into thinking she doesn’t have a HUGE f*cking book of utterly nonsensical excuses as to why she can’t just be a normal human being.

Her latest scheme?

She got her oh so wise Mother to try and cover for her. Lindsay c’mon. You might not be able to read real people books, but I’m sure you can understand your own cryptic writing.

“Cat. Pee. Tell I wasn’t really me. Twin evil sister. Kidnap. Gogglie Goo.”

“Hehehe this’ll fool em.”

Via The New York Post,

“[Lindsay] was at the MTV Awards and somebody spilled a drink on her leg, which must have set off the SCRAM bracelet. She has done absolutely nothing wrong and shouldn’t have to wear the bracelet in the first place. She is doing absolutely fine.”

God. I could have used her as a Mom for parts of my life that I’m now not too proud to admit. “Oh you drove while drunk and crashed into a mailbox honey? No, no, no, wipe those tears away, it was that f*cking mailbox’s fault. We’ll get him!”

Actually….no. Nevermind. I love you Mom.

snapped.

Paris Hilton at the airport before jetting off to Brazil.

I can’t think of a better candidate for those pants.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

congratulations on graduating from beekeeping school.

This is what Lady Gaga wore to her younger sister’s graduation:

This poor b*tch. Not Gaga. Her sister.

After all those years of furthering her education and all that hard work, everyone takes one look at your sister and you turn into “that f*cking weird chick with the freak sister whose not sure whether to sit or stand when she pees.” 

All those accomplishements go down the sh*tter. And now people think you’re Satan.

And my sister complained about the color of lipstick I wore to her ceremony. What now b*tch?!

dirrty glam.

In this case it should probably be “dirrty mouth” or “dirrty girl,” but I’m not going to pick a fight or anything.

There’s no way I’m willing to get my ass kicked by someone who could make a b*tch cry just by looking her way.

Unless MTV wants to film it and put it in the next episode. Or pitch a new reality show where Kristin Cavallari randomly goes around town making girls feel like worthless pieces of crap. Because she doesn’t do that on The Hills.

Anwyays, here’s a spread she recently did for Dirrty Glam magazine.

Brody hit approved that.

snapped.

That panty chick who replaced Megan Fox in Transformers 3, Rosie whatever and boyfriend Jason Statham out for lunch in LA.

Jason Statham ain’t no Brian Austin Green. That’s for damn sure.

And I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.