Posts Tagged ‘Snooki

09
Jun
10

now this is a walk of shame.

And I thought walking the Vegas strip in boxer briefs with my dress around my waist and heels in hand was shameful.

This is just plain SICK.

Snooki was snapped leaving the MTV Movie Awards afterparty at Las Palmas nightclub with a *gasp* male. Now call me crazy but this guy has to be a rapist. Or depressed. Or deprived. Or he already has an STD so what’s another one for the night right?

Yeahhhh. Whose with me on this one?! Am I right or am I right?!

*crickets*

If this is indeed, legit, I’m trying to come up with an alternate solution for this guy. Here he’s seen clearly embarassed by his fellow companion, and from the look on her face she’s clearly had a super sized margarita or 10.

The gentlemanly thing to do in this situaion is to pick your lady up in your arms and gallantly carry her to the backseat of your vehicle, or taxi if you’re being smart about it. Taking into consideration the size of his partner, I would expect this above plan to be out of the question. So unless he has a trailer attached to his car, once he gets out of sight from the paparazzi he’s gonna have to grab his buddies and roll the b*tch home.

Hey when you’re that desperate, you can make anything work.

08
Jun
10

oh c’mon. i’m running out of herpes jokes here…

What do you get when you put Paris Hilton and Snooki side by side…?

An insider’s access to STD medication.

Hyuck. Hyuck.

Via US Magazine,

“I was just giving her advice,” she said. “I just told her to remain the same sweet girl [she is] and not let anything affect her; be strong and don’t pay attention to bad press. People can say mean things about you, but you should know who you are and not pay attention to it.” If she comes back to LA, will Hilton show her the club ropes?
“Definitely!” she told Us.”

It only makes sense for Snooki to have Paris show her the ropes. “The ropes” being the best way to cushion your knees when giving a blowj*b & tips on how to stay sexually active during a flare up of course.

Anyways, besides that, I think Paris’ adoration for all things small and furry clouded her vision. She probably thought Snooki was an overweight Chihuahua and ended the night trying to stuff her into her Louis Vuitton.

Snooki probably gave a sh*t.

“Weee. I’ve never seen the inside of a real designer bag before!” This don’t smell like noodles!’

“I wonder if she’s got food in here.”

 

07
Jun
10

but why…??

The only reason these fools were allowed anywhere other than at a tanning salon is because its MTV. And MTV would let a pack of starving wolves in if they made them money. Truth is though, they’d be less entertaining to watch. And wolves don’t have fake boobs.

Otherwise after being DENIED entry, J Woww would sadly have had to return her dress to LA Clubwear for the lowly $20 she spent on it.

Hey $20 = how many tanning minutes?

Anyways, I’m guessing they weren’t even there for the full awards show last night. Snooki was probably busy trying to seduce the guy at the concession for extra butter on her popcorn while The Situation was occupied by trying to bone his date in the arena without anyone seeing.

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01
Jun
10

when midgets mate.

First off, this is NOT a joke.

Second, Snooki still hasn’t come to terms with the fact that she’s THIS close to not being able to find a partner with anyone in the human species.

*rubs eyes*

*opens*

*blinks*

*my eyes! my eyes are still here! Oh thank you God! I was so scared.*

She’s gonna get hit alright. It ain’t gonna be on Twitter though.

28
May
10

together forever.

The most shocking NEWS of the day wasn’t Gary Coleman passing away but Snooki finding solace in her new boyfriend.

Klaussen.

Dunno if it’ll work out though. Too classy a name.

She can barely spell “Dick.”

12
May
10

ha! dropping out of high school was worth it b*tchessss.

Marisa Miller was given FHM’s #1 spot in the 100 Women To Jerk Off To 100 Sexiest Women In The World annual poll yesterday…

I’m actually not hating on her one bit. If dropping out of school to pose half naked won me an award like that, I wouldn’t mind not being able to spell double sylabell words. The only doubles that would matter would be my t*ts.

What’s she gonna need simple grammatical skills for anyway? Spelling out her bra size?

I think not.

Oh and Katy Perry was also named MAXIM’s Sexiest Woman In The World

I have a feeling that this qualification was given to her based on her creativity and musical talent. Not on the fact that she has boobs that are the size of midgets.

And speaking of midgets, Snooki got gypped. I mean, she should have at least made it on ONE of these lists.

Not because she’s hot or anything, but because we’d get to see a little person run amock in fury after the editors realized that they’d made a mistake.

Angry midgets = Good fun.

 

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11
May
10

The.End.

The cast of The Jersey Whores Shore is set to be FULLY replaced come the 3rd season.

I’m debating between laughing and crying…

Laughing because Snooki will now have to go back to buying her Guess purses from the outlets and crying because I’m sure J Woww and The Situation will now have to come out with sex tapes in order to get back on the camera.

Via Celebrity-Gossip.Net,

Reports say that Snooki, The Situation, JWoww, Pauly D, Sammi and Ronnie demanded a much bigger raise in their pay after the first season became extremely popular and MTV’s highest-rated series.

The group may have received a $10,000 signing bonus and $5,000 per episode for season 2, which will appear July 29.

Meanwhile, JWoww was thrilled to find out that a series had not been renewed. “She doesn’t want to be on the show anymore,” a source told. “She isn’t friends with them. (Another say, “She and Snooki are really close.”)

I guess those drunken hot tub gangbangs can bring two girls a little closer to each other despite their differences.

I wonder who MTV is lookin at to replace these fools…

I doubt it’ll be that hard considering all the producers have to do is hit up the nearest dive bar or strip club and pick up whatever hasn’t already passed out by the time they get there.

 




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