what a buzz kill…

After the Canadian women’s hockey team skated all over the US team yesterday they whipped off their bras, grabbed some beer and burped out the Canadian anthem all the while prancing around on the ice…

The US no doubt was jealous of the medal, but more jealous of the fact that these b*tches know how to party.

The International Olympic Committee, AKA (buzzkills) weren’t that STOKED on the fact that these girls were puff puffing and guzzling brewskis while on the ice, and are determined to handle that sh*t.

The International Olympic Committee will investigate the behavior of the Canadian women’s hockey players who celebrated their gold medal at the Vancouver Games by drinking alcohol on the ice.

Really?

I seriously see no thrill in going up against 15 or so butch 140lb women who will really really put a stick up your ass if you come near their medal.

Case in point…

Chick #3. No way b*tch is going down without a fight.

I did not have sexual relations…

Ha.

Tiger Woods put on a shirt and pants (thankfully) and actually made it to the PRESS conference he put on this morning to apologize for REALLY thinking  he was supposed to JUST DO IT.

Of course the ONE woman he didn’t stick it into was there to show her SUPPORT…

Tiger’s Mom told ESPN, “I said, ‘I’m so proud of you. Never think you stand alone. Mom will always be there for you and I love you.”

Hey mama doesn’t wanna risk wearing clothes from Ross now does she?

This guy put as much EMOTION into this sh*t as I do when my Dad tries to explain to me the inner mechanics of a thermometer.

So Elin never HIT him. B*tch didn’t lift a damn finger.

I love it.

Props to him for not looking up into the RAFTERS in fear where she was stealthily passing a 9 iron from hand to hand.

charged.

Dr. Carazy Conrad Murray was CHARGED today with the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson.

He was released on a $75,000 bail resulting th e 25 minute hearing, that most of the Jackson family showed up to.

The court documents had stated that he:

“did unlawfully, and without malice, kill Michael Joseph Jackson … in the comission of an unlawful act, not a felony; and in the commission of a lawful act which might have produced death, in an unlawful manner, and without due caution and circumspection.”

He’ll be back in court April 5th and hopefully the guy gets SHUT down for the 4 years he’s expected to face.

Once in the chokey, he won’t be INJECTING anything other that what’s part of the standard traditional procedure.

 

We represent your inner spirit!

THE TITLE TO THIS POST IS ONLY IN LOWER CASE BECAUSE OF FORMATTING ISSUES.

IF I EVER SO DARED TO INSINUATE THAT I AM SPEAKING AS A CALM HUMAN BEING I WILL BE SENT TO A DARK PLACE WHERE LOUIS VUITTON DARE NOT EVEN VENTURE.

ANYWAYS,

KANYE AND AMBER WERE IN PARIS FOR FASHION WEEK, AND PETA WAS HATING HARD (AS THEY SHOULD BE) ON THE TRASHTASTIC DUO’S PENCHANT FOR WEARING FUR.

HEY, I COULD BE A FUR LOVER, AND STILL PRETEND TO BE A PART OF PETA JUST TO GET IT IN ON THESE TWO WITH A BUCKET OF PAINT.

SO AFTER ALL THE BLOGGERS AND PRESS PISSED OFF KANYE HE USED HIS FUR COAT TO FLAP ON OVER TO THE LAIR TO UNLEASH.

(HEY SOME GUYS GO TO THE GYM, THIS EGOMANIAC FIRES UP THE LAPTOP)…

“WHEN IT’S ALL SAID AND DONE, REMEMBER THE FEARLESS, REMEMBER THE DREAMERS, REMEMBER THOSE WHO REPRESENT THE GHETTO…THE FAIRY TALE OF NOTHING TO SOMETHING. I’M BRIEFLY SADDENED BY NEGATIVE COMMENTS, BUT I HAVE TO REMEMBER THOSE PEOPLE ARE SCARED, INCAPABLE OR JUST PLAIN IDIOTS. WE ARE THE FUCKING ROCK STARS BABY. NO COCAINE, JUST LIFE MY NIGGAS!! NO COCAINE, JUST LIFE! IT’S FUNNY TO ME WHEN FASHION BLOGGERS DOWN OUR OUFITS AND THEN SUPER JOCK OUTLANDISH SHIT ON THE RUNWAY BUT THEN THEY DRESS MAD PRUDE AND DON’T LIVE FASHION. WE LIVE IT MAN. FUCK THAT, WE LIVE IT!!! WE LIVE IT SO HARD PEOPLE LIVE THROUGH US! WE REPRESENT YOUR INNER SPIRIT!! THE CHILD IN US ALL, THE BRUTAL HONESTY, THE NAIVETY, THE BRAVE WARRIOR, THE ADRENALINE THAT ALLOWS A MOTHER TO LIFT A CAR IF HER CHILD WAS TRAPPED UNDER IT! REMEMBER, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN EVERYBODY DISSED MICHAEL JACKSON EVERY CHANCE THEY COULD. IMAGINE THE PRESSURE OF BEING A TRUE ICON. VERY FEW HUMAN BEINGS ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO TAKE CONSTANT HATE!!! IF WE DON’T DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS THE SHIT, YOU BEAT US UP VERBALLY AND MENTALLY, LIKE A CATHOLIC SCHOOL TEACHER BEATING A CREATIVE STUDENT INTO SUBMISSION. I CAN HEAR YOU SCREAMING ‘COLOR INSIDE THE LINES!!!’ WELL FUCK YOUR COLORING BOOK, COLOR BY NUMBERS APPROACH TO LIFE. AT THE END OF THE DAY WHO ARE WE HURTING??? OH “THE NEW BLACK???” SINCE BARACK IS PRESIDENT BLACKS DON’T LIKE FUR COATS, RED LEATHER, AND FRIED CHICKEN ANY MORE?! WHEN YOU TRULY UNDERSTAND CULTURAL SETTINGS, BOUNDARIES, AND OUR MODERN DAY CASTE SYSTEMS, THEN YOU CAN FEEL THE GLORY AND PAIN FROM THE DAYS OF KINGS IN AFRICA TO THE NEW KINGS OF THE MEDIA. LET THE BALL PLAYERS DANCE AFTER THEY SCORE! IT’S LIFE MY NIGGAS, IT’S LIFE! REMEMBER CLOTHING IS A CHOICE. WE WERE BORN NAKED!!! FRESH IS AN OPINION, LOVE IS OBJECTIVE, TASTE IS SELECTIVE, AND EXPRESSION IS MY FAVORITE ELECTIVE. NO MORE POLITICS OR APOLOGIES!!!”

I’M ALMOST POSITIVE THAT THE POWER PUT INTO THAT MESSAGE SCARED THE SH*T OUT OF THE FUR ON HIS COAT THAT THE ANIMAL IT WAS TAKEN FROM CAME BACK TO LIFE.

 

She better stick with the spikes…

So RUMORS are going around that Ri Ri’s new Dodger Boytoy, Matt Kemp was involved in some SKETCH domestic sh*t with his ex girlfriend. Apparently she took a restraining order out AGAINST him because he SWUNG the bat her way a few times.

Either way, her LAWYERS are claiming that it’s all BS and that Felisha Terrell (his ex) requested it as a temporary restraint becauese of “an actual and real threat.”

I don’t quite see how thatt’s any BETTER, but I’m sure this DUDE knows not to mess with a CHICK with 5 inch fake nails and STUDDED panties.

 

Don’t Get Your Hopes Up…

That means you Jennifer Aniston.

The News of The World brought up a certain someone’s high hopes by REPORTING that Brangelina (or the Saviors of the Earth) had SPLIT up.

It was TOLD that the POWER couple were parting ways (after Angelina was caught making out with a 9mm) and that preparations had been underway since last month.

According to the snitch of the day,

“the document was signed in early January. Both Brad and Angelina had signed it. The contract was like a tailor-made version of a pre-nuptial agreement except for an unmarried couple’s split. It seemed clear they want the world to know they’ll both play a part in the upbringing of the children. But Angelina will actually be the one who lives with them full-time.”

Anyways, it’s not true.

The key to Angelina’s heart lives amongst the hairs in Brad’s billy goat gruff, and Jennifer Aniston just ended up wasting  a day at the salon.

What A Dick.

So Andy Dick was kindly escorted to the slammer in West Virgina yesterday after he was accused for getting a little too secksay and molesting someone at the BAR.

He has a history of living up to his name and trying to grope every woman that walks by, but this time he ALLEGEDLY grabbed a handful of mancandy and tried making out with some DUDE.

He’s lucky he didn’t pick a GAY basher because the guy isn’t planning on pressing charges…

He brushed off the impromptu rape by saying, “I’m not down with that,” and that that Andy is “nationally known as a weird guy.”

Shit.

That’s a FANTASTIC reaction for anyone a little off in the head. I’ll most definitely be taking FULL advantage of this type of brush off by claiming I’m just a little different from the rest when I accidently charge through David Beckham’s window.

Anyways, Dick was released on $6,000 bail today and will have to show his face in front of a judge soon enough to stand up to 2 counts of abuse.

It’s not always about her ass.

Jennifer Lopez washed off her makeup AND then applied some MORE in support of makeup artist, Scott Barnes, the DUDE that makes her look bronzed and beaming all the time (can’t say the same for her HUBBY).

In case you don’t remember (or don’t quite care to) her and Barnes had a falling out when he decided to throw a bi*ch fit and complain about not getting PAID for making all the girls in her wedding party look like LOVELY Latinas and not like chubby CHOLAS.

He apparently FORGAVE her after realizing that she was once called “Jenny from the Block” for damn good reason, and La Lopez is now the COVER face on his new book, “About Face.”

Check out Lopez’s LIFE SUPPORT at the book launch at The Provacateur Club in NYC’s Gansvoort Hotel…

 

 

 

AND speaking of “about face,” there’s DEFINITELY some sh*t goin on with his.

NAH MAN. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

 

So the PUBLICLY acclaimed DOUCHE of 2009 voluntarily PASSED up the chance to RAISE funds for the devestation in Haiti during tomorrow’s “Hope For Haiti” telethon.

KANYE was probably pissed because he wasn’t able to stand up to the EARTHQUAKE and tell it to STOP and let him finish.

One of the producers on the shows says,

“Kayne has to make everything about himself. He will do anything to steal the spotlight and, well, this night it’s just not about him.”

Hopefully the IDIOT pays his respects in some way.

Let’s just HOPE IT’S NOT VIA HIS BLOG BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES HE TYPES IN CAPS LOCK IT WILL NOT MAKE HIM MORE SIGNIFICANT THAN HE ACTUALLY IS.

Scott Baio is getting bi*ch slapped…

 Man.

First Lady, Michelle Obama (in case you weren’t aware) is up and at em’ flexing those killer biceps of her with intention of JETTING over to this fool’s house to wish him a GOOD FU*KING MORNING.

 

The REPUBLICAN probably has his panties in a bunch after his wife RAGS on him everyday for being a washed out boy of the yesteryears… 

Anyways, this FOOL is already RECIEVING death threats… 

 

Really though?

These bi*ches just don’t learn from other people’s DUMB mistakes do they?

I mean I can Tweet whatever the fu*k I want, and no one gives a sh*t because, to tell you the truth, my follower list is MENIAL if that.

When your FEW fans consist of half the world’s overweight housewives who want to BONE you only because you were cute on Happy Days, and call in to SELF magazine for tips on how to get arms like the First Lady on your list of followers, it’s best not to piss them off