i quit this b*tch.

Not permanently, but for the next 12 days you’re damn right I do.

I won’t disclose my travel destination, but you can bet your whole life that it’s a lot better than the hole in which I currently reside.

And I don’t actually live in a hole. It’s a metaphor. I can’t say the same for Lindsay Lohan, who probably crawls to bed at 7am at the bottom of a well. But that’s Lindsay Lohan.

Anyways, I’ll post today’s “A Day In The Life” because I know that’s all you b*tches care to look at anyway. Pathetic. Go stare at yourself in a mirror for 45 mintues. See how violated YOU feel.

You know how long it takes me to come up with material?! You know how long it takes me to think of something witty to say about Heidi Montag’s new face?!

Hahaha. 3.2 seconds out of my day. That’s how long. And it’s the best 3.2 seconds of my life.

Unless you coun’t that one dude…

F*ck. This is turning into a memoir, so I’m outta here.

While I’m on vacay basking in the glory of doing the exact opposite of what people generally do on vacation, I hope ya’ll don’t get too bent out of shape when Audrina Patridge actually leaves the house in something other than a bikini.

Or when our dear Lindsay finally caves in and saws off her ankle.

I can’t wait to come home to see pictures of her wearing that sh*t around her neck.

Now THAT’S a statement piece I wouldn’t mind purchasing.